Two months after surgery and misc.

It's been a little over two months since my surgery and I'm feeling great! Two months with no AF has been seriously life changing. It's been years since I've gone more then a week without being in some sort of endo pain. Our RE suggested that after we have a successful childbirth, I get right back on these meds so my endo doesn't start growing back. That also means no AF. Good stuff there! On the IVF front, we're busy saving money. A dear friend helped us set up our first mini fundraiser and we made around $600. We did a Gold Party and it was so much fun to see everyone make some money! I even had two people book parties, so I'll make a little more from those. Super fun! We've been having fun spoiling our little man. A couple of weeks ago we took him to Lego Kidfest for the day. It was a blast! Nothing better then playing with legos for hours...well, at least if you're a nine year old boy! Then, This past week, we went trick or treating and Ayden was a zombie. The weather was perfect and he got quite a haul of goodies. Today he is nursing a cold and laying around, which I love because I get him all to myself while the hubs works all day. Before we know it, he'll be off to college and we'll only hear from him when he needs money or his laundry done...sad stuff there. Ayden still brings up wanting a sibling, but he is very specific in wanting a sister. Most likely, it's an attempt to get me to buy pink stuff for someone and quit threatening to buy it for him. But, whatever the reason, I find it sweet that he has such a strong opinion about it. So, we'll keep praying and saving hoping Ayden gets his wish sooner rather then later!

Lump update

I'm not sure how I feel about today's appointment. Good news is it's not the dreaded "c" word. But, it could be another type of tumor. I am supposed to keep an eye on it myself and if it grows, call my doc. No matter what, I get another u/s to recheck it in 6 months. In the meantime, it hurts. So while that's not fun, it's apparently a good sign that it's not the "c" word. So, now back to my somewhat normal life but cautiously and with lots of prayers that this thing shrinks so I don't have to get it removed.

Lump. Lovely.

I wrote about my re-taking up running and loving the pain free exercise. However, I've noticed a little pain in my left breast as I run. I brushed it off and figured it was just a little soreness from running. But, after two weeks, it didn't go away. So, I did my own self exam and, sure enough, found a lump. Normally, I wouldn't be nervous, as this isn't the first time I've found one. My extra estrogen I carry around thanks to my endo causes fibrocystic lumps to come and go through my cycle. However, if you've been reading my blog lately, you know I am not really having any sort of cycle. Plus, the meds I am taking have completely cleared up my lumpy boobs... with the exception of this one lump. Unfortunately, it feels different also. Not good. I had my yearly gyno exam yesterday and mentioned it. After feeling it my doc was a little concerned, too. Great. So tomorrow I have an ultrasound and mammogram. I've had both before, so no big deal as far as the tests are concerned. I am just praying like mad that it's nothing major. Of course after having two days to think about it, my mind has played out the worst senarios over and over. I hope they can tell one way or the other tomorrow because this worrying is for the birds. That, on top of being sore from my appointment, reminding me that endo will never really be gone, has been my life for the past two days. So, I'm off for a run to help me feel better. I'll post after my appointment tomorrow.

NOT missing AF

The drugs are working! This past weekend AF should have arrived and didn't! I can't even tell you how wonderful that was after the last couple of years of AF's from hell. Just as exciting is that I attempted to run two days ago. The actual run was amazing. No pain during a run for the first time in many years. That was wonderful. Unfortunately, I've paid for it the last two days. My incisions were uber sore. I'm really thinking that it's just scar tissue forming, which isn't surprising after four surgeries. I was mad about it yesterday, but there isn't much I can do about it, so why waste my time with something out of my hands. In my hands, however, are my own feelings about IVF. I'm coming around. Growing up Catholic certaintly hasn't helped. I just keep telling myself that God isn't one religion, so it can't be up to one church to make the rules. With becoming more comfortable with ivf has come talks with the hubs. We're pretty sure we'll put two embies back, but I'm not exactly built for twins. I'm 5' tall. I realize that many short women have carried twins, but I know how I looked with just Ayden...I was a flipping house. We'll talk to the RE and get his opinion as the time gets closer and there's a chance that only one will even implant. For now, I'm enjoying no pads, no cramps, and being able to stand up straight while I walk for an entire month! To celebrate, tonight, I'm going for run number two...

Learning a new normal.

I started working out again today. I thought I took it slow enough, but I've been pretty sore this evening. Bummer. I'll try again tomorrow, but my hopes of taking up running again might have to wait a couple more weeks. However, I cannot wait to start running with the endo gone. It will be pain free and uber relaxing! Also, I'm working on changing my diet to an endo friendly diet. I need to get the endo that is left to shrink and go into remission. While the hormone suppression will help until ivf, the diet needs to be a life style change. The endo diet is a no red meat, no sugar, no caffeine, no wheat, no dairy diet. It's very strict and sounds awful. But, I need to decide if I'd rather follow a strict diet or go in for surgery every couple of years. The diet sounds way easier to me. Plus, being healthy feels good and I hate being in pain more than I love eating a steak...most days!

A dream and feeling at peace

I had a dream last night that almost seemed like it really had happened. The hubs and I had just gotten the news that our IVF was successful and the doctor said, "You two sure are going to bring on a lot of tears when you announce this news!" Which, in my dream, made me cry. Of course, my goal isn't to make people cry, but it is a real testament to all of the amazing support we have from our family and the very few friends who we've included in our journey. We are so blessed to have such wonderful people by our sides. In my mind, I imagine the conversation the hubs and I will have someday with our IVF miracle baby, telling him/her how much love grew over the many years we tried to bring him/her into the world. But, it's not just our love, but our family and friends who have said millions of prayers for us. I hope that someday, if he or she is reading this blog or the one from before, they can truly grasp how much I love them already. Not a day goes by that I don't imagine what our life will be like with you here. Once we have this little bundle in our arms, every single penny we spent and tear we cried will have been worth it. In just six very short months, we'll be in the final leg of our journey to bring you home. How exciting is that?!

2 weeks post op and future plans

I had my post op yesterday and, surprise, the pathology report said that I have endo...our re thinks it's best if I do a full 12 week hormone suppression rather than our original plan of 8 weeks because it was so nasty inside this time. I'll continue to suppress my periods after the 12 weeks and up until our ivf cycle. The meds are making me sweat like a crazy woman and are making me extremely moody! I went off on the McD's manager because it took them 20 minutes to get our food. But, it's flipping McDonalds and that was insane. But, the hubs claims he's noticed,too. He asked if he could let me know the next time I started freaking out so I could stop. For his safety, I didn't think that was such a great idea. Our plan is to do IVF in February/March and so we have until then to save every penny we can. I think it's pretty interesting how we always said we'd never head down this road, yet, here we are! The RE said that there is most likely endo inside of my tubes that is getting in the way of the tubes functioning, so IVF is our best bet. With couples in our same situation, our re is having 65-70% success. Finally, the odds are greater that it will work than that it won't! The best news yet, he thinks I still have many years to keep adding to our family. He has amazing success with women under 38 and I'm still under for a few years. He was very hopeful. My RE wanted me to meet the IVF nurse. It was a little scary because it made it that much more real. What a sweet soul she is though. She promised me that every person on the IVF team has the most respect for creating life and consider their work a blessing. She gave me her number and email address, and just like that, I became an IVF patient. I am so hopeful. It's hard for me to trust other people so fully, especially with something so private and difficult, but I'm slowly learning to do so. However, for the time being, I'm going to enjoy being pain free and not having to put up with a period until next year!