Calling in the big wigs

If you would have asked me 10 years ago whether I'd do IVF, I would have given you a definite, "no". However, here we sit, one failed fresh and one failed frozen, and only little frozen guy left...

So, what do you do then? Call CC.RM. The best of the best. The people who have the answers when no one else has a clue what is going wrong.

Today was our phone consult. I LOVED the doctor we picked. After carefully reading the bios online, I decided on Dr. Surry. Truly, I knew it was going to be between two doctors, but Dr. Surry's bio mentioned endo, making the decision easier.

From the moment he called, he made the hubs and I feel like he really wanted to help. He listened and offered tests we hadn't done yet, which was the point of this consult in the first place.

He clearly thinks that my endo is causing implantation issues. We had 4 high grade embryos. None implanted. There is a biopsy that can be done, but his idea was to forgo the biopsy and just treat me like the protein that should be there isn't because I have high grade endo. One less test? Ok!

Of course, he mentioned testing the hubs' sperm with a different test than he's had done and this was something our RE here mentioned doing, as well. So, I think we'll go ahead with that, too. There is a possibility of not having any good embryos and that being the cause of the implantation failure, so he obviously recommended testing of our embryos.

In my mind, I just saw dollar signs adding up. I was pretty sure that the hubs was seeing the same thing. I'm not sure we'll do IVF with them right away, but we need to do the newer tests.

We decided to at least go through with the ODWU (one day work up) at ccrm and go from there. We just really want answers darn it. And, Dr. Surrey said that clearly something is being missed or is going wrong , but he said that after 10 years, something should be happening. He is hopeful because we haven't been trying aggressively for 10 years, so we haven't run out of options. That made us happy. He did recommend being pretty aggressive from here on out because, even though we're young-ish, I'm a hot endo mess!

Overall, it was a great meeting and I'm so freaking happy that this place exists. There is one more place in the world that might give us answers. Ten years ago, I'd have though you were completely nuts if you'd have told me I'd be going to the top place in the country to try and have a baby. But, I am so thankful that it is an option.

Drug through the mud

They decided to keep the little boy with the foster family he is with now. To say this is a surprise is a huge understatement. We were told all along that this was never going to happen because they are old. They are in their 70's. We were told they would be looking at the long term quality of life for the little boy. He is only 15 months old. So, they'll most likely not be around for most of his life.

I absolutely want what is best for him. To say this is what is best, I'm not sure. I feel like we have been lied to for three months and to say that I'm pissed is pretty accurate. Our worker felt horrible because she was floored herself. She said the meeting went on for 2 hours and there was a lot of arguing about the issue. I know that things happen for a reason. If you can explain this reason, have at it.

I'm just exhausted. I'm beat down. Ten years this December, we've spent chasing a dream, like idiots. I was ready to give up and just be done. But, then the hubs checked the expiration date on some meds I had promised to donate to someone just starting the whole RE thing. I had already read the box and it said they expired in May of 2014. We'd never use them by then. But, the hubs checked them as he was putting the ice packs in the cooler this morning before mailing them out and realized that the date on the actual meds don't match what is on the box. So, he called the company. They really expire in Sept 2015. So, he refused to mail them. We argued about this, too. Fun times. So, now, not only was I feeling like shit from earlier in the day, now I'm an ass.

On top of that, the hubs' boss is an complete jerk. I won't get into it here, but he's a horrible person. He treats my husband horribly and I've had it. It's so hard watching him get treated so poorly and not being able to do anything about it. I'm so over that, too.

So, the day before vacation has been one of the worst days ever. The plan for vacation is drinking and crying. And, now the hubs is excited to do another IVF since we have all the meds here already left over. Great, something else I can fail at. I can hardly wait.

Tomorrow is the day!

Tomorrow we'll get the call. To say I'm nervous would be quite a true statement. To keep from thinking about it, I've been cleaning our house like a crazy lady. At least it will be clean when we get home from Texas!

If you can spare a prayer or thought, we would so appreciate it!

Skinny Mirrors

I needed to get a few last minute things done before we head to Texas. First up, getting a strapless bra. I'm not here to brag, but my girls are ample. I wear a 32DDD. No, that's not a typo. Yes, these are nearly impossible to find. Try putting these ladies in a strapless bra and the darn thing just slowly falls down around my waist after a couple of hours. So, I needed a good one.

Luckily, Vickie's Secret carries that size in a few of their bras. The lady helping me, Abby, was ready to help me blow $60 on a bra and quickly filled her hands with a couple of choices. She said she'd be happy to help me see if it was the right size after I got it on. Oh, hell no. You're not looking at my girls, perv.

The first one I tried on was the wrong size, but as I looked in the mirror, I was impressed with how long and lean I was looking. Wow, this no carb diet was really helping my gut! So, I proudly called the lady in my dressing room to show her the issue with the bra, while also showing off my hard work, and flat gut. Staring at my middle, I smiled and she ran to get the correct size.

It fit like a glove. I looked skinny as hell. Yeah. Good work self. I felt freaking awesome. I told her I needed to try it on with the dress when I got home to make sure, but it would probably work. Most likely, after a couple of hours, it will fail the ladies, but I'm used to that. I was just so darn proud that my week of starving was paying off.

When I got home, I took the dress and new bra to my bedroom, ready to take another look at myself. Yes, I am apparently vein. Hey, if I can't have more kids, at least I get my body. So, suck it! And, then, I realized that I'd been taken for a fool.

As I stood looking at myself in the mirror, I realized that Vickie's clearly uses skinny mirrors. Not the cheap kind either. The kind they use actually make you glow. They made my legs look long and lean, which should have been the first clue! Standing in front of my own mirror, my gut laughed and laughed. Or was that a wiggle and a jiggle? Damn you skinny mirror. So, next purchase: Span.x.

Random thoughts

Today, I've been in a weird mood. Pissy maybe. I think every once in awhile, the fact that 2 IVF procedures failing just hits me and makes me really flipping mad. No, I would have never forgiven myself if we wouldn't have tried. But, I wish I didn't have to spend $15k more in a six month time period. In the long run, I'm glad we did. But, I would have rather gone to Disney or HHI. I could have gone on a crazy shopping spree. Like, really crazy.

This week, work was exhausting for many reasons. Mainly, trying to get ready to be in Texas for most of next week is insanely time consuming for a teacher. I figure that I'll spend at least 10 hours getting my sub plans together. Fun stuff there. I'll be more excited for vacation once I get that part done.

I think getting away next week is just what we need. Get away from the place where the last few months really sucked. Lay by the pool. Relax. Wear cowboy boots to a wedding. Not my idea. No choice. Probably Definitely not something I'll ever do again. But, it's happening folks. Heaven help me.

Less than a week...

Then, we'll know. We'll know if he is to be our child. The final matching conference for the boy we are being considered for (now with 5 other families. The number keeps changing.) is next Monday. I'm not sure when they'll call or not call or email or not email, but hopefully we have news, good news is preferable, by the end of the day on Monday.

Tuesday we leave for my SIL's wedding in Texas. So, it would be so very nice to have good news to take with us on that trip. We so deserve good news. After ten years, we deserve a freaking break. Hopefully, the matching committee will see how special and amazing my little family is and they'll pick us.

Less than a week and we'll know. This, my friends, has been the longest 2ww ever. Ever.

I googled myself...

This was posted in my college alumni magazine in 1998. I had NO idea it even existed. Go me!

Led by junior Tracy Karr, the women’s tennis team finished fifth in the OAC. The Lady Muskies compiled a 4-4 record in duals against conference opponents.

Karr, from Portsmouth, posted a 9-3 record at No. 1 singles. She advanced to the championship match at the conference tournament with straight-set wins over opponents from Otterbein and Ohio Northern. In addition to Karr, sophomore Lori Clark of Zanesville posted a 7-4 record at No. 4 singles, while senior Heidi Garinger of Columbus went 6-5 at No. 5 singles and sophomore Amanda Turner of Reynoldsburg was 4-3 at No. 6 singles.

After reading this, I called the local tennis club and set up private lessons! Bucket list, here I come!