Sunday, April 28, 2013

Updates and IVF coming up

Well, it's been a few months, not on purpose, but just living life and happy to be doing it CANCER FREE! They got it all and no further treatment is needed at this time. I mean, I'll have paps more often than a 'normal' person, but I've never thought of myself as a medically normal person, so I'm fine with it! These last few months I've literally been getting myself in a good mindset for IVF. Remember, originally I was VERY against this procedure. I still fight with those thoughts every so often, but I know it's the way God has led us. I think I'm just angry that we even have to go that route. So, having to deal with it right around the corner is difficult and scary. But, in the end, if it brings us our miracle, I'm in. The hubs and I have been pinching pennies to pay for it and that's frustrating, too. That would be a REALLY great vacation! But, our vacation will be at our RE's office making a baby. That trip to Ireland might just have to wait! If I sound not as excited as you think I should, with getting ready to make a baby with my husband, it's because I've done so many procedures and surgeries costing us over $200k and we still have nothing to show for it. So, if I sound a little doubtful, you're right. I am. Honestly, I have to be. Someone needs to guard my heart in case this doesn't work. Someone needs to be a little down to earth and realistic. Plus, I'm not about to get all happy and excited that it will for sure work, and then, be slapped in the face with another BFN. Nine years of BFN's will do that to a person. If you haven't been there, don't judge. You don't get it. And, for that, be happy. I'll probably be a little shady on dates and what all is going on in IVF land because I have a few people I know in real life reading this, if they haven't given up that I'll ever post again! And, I really feel like my hubs and I need a little privacy during this time. It's quite emotional already. Plus, Ayden, who will be 10 by the time this is all over, will be the very first person we will tell when we're ready to share the news. He's been waiting just as long as us and, for his sake, I pray that this if finally our answer.