Friday, January 11, 2013
This week was my first week back after my surgery. Monday was rough. Really rough. I mean, I went from laying around for two weeks, to teaching a bunch of middle school kids and pushing things around my classroom that are well above my 10 pound limit. By the end of Monday, I was wondering if I'd be able to make it the entire week. I was crampy and sore as all get out. Each day kept getting better. Today, I only needed one 800mg ibuprofen in the morning and I was fine the rest of the day. Really, it just goes to show that everyone heals so much differently. My nurse said that it was possible it may take me longer to heal because of my endo. Thanks again endo. You're a doll. So, just continuing the waiting game until next week. I am really tired of telling people the same story at work. I think I'll just wear a poster on my shirt that answers all of their questions because they're probably the same questions I've been answering all week. I know they are just concerned. But, I don't want to think about it. Honestly, there is an amazingly high chance that everything was cut out. But, every so often, the thought crosses my mind that it wasn't. Or that it's a higher stage than originally thought. Scary shit.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
I don't usually make these. When I did, I was usually over it by the middle of January. But, this year, I've decided to enjoy all of the small things that life throws my way that are usually over looked. It came to me when I was sitting on the couch recovering from surgery. As loved ones were texting and calling and bring over food and Fed Ex'ing gifts, I realized that my life is so full of love and I've been so obsessed with ttc that sometimes, I failed to realize it. I think we're all guilty of this on some level, but it's become my norm for the last few years. On New Year's Eve this year, our 10th wedding anniversary, I wasn't feeling up to the out of town plans we'd made. We cancelled and our night was even more amazing than I could have imagined. It was full of love and laughing with our family. Our in-laws and Ayden planned a surprise romantic dinner for two at their house. Ayden was our adorable server, and quite a good one I might add! We had steak, twice baked potatoes, bacon wrapped asparagus, chocolate cake and very full bellies! Then, rather than heading home to lay around, (I took another pain pill!) and we hung out for the rest of the evening. We played games, the boys had Nerf fights, and we laughed until it hurt. It was amazing. Life is full of amazing things and amazing people. I only hope I can return the kindness that was shown to me over the last few months over my lifetime. So, infertile or not, life is good. This is my journey. It has had it's downs but definately has had more ups! So, when I read the following quote, I realized how true it is: "When God pushes you to the edge of difficulty trust Him fully because two things can happen. Either He'll catch you when you fall, or He will teach you how to fly." After He has had to catch me MANY times over the last nine years, I think I'm finally learning how to fly!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Wow, I just read my post from right after I met with the gyno oncologist. I was angry. Although, rightly so, but I'm hopefully on the upswing now. Surgery went well. We will know on the 16th if I have clear margins from my biopsy. God willing, it's all gone. Chad and I have already realized that this is it. This year will be the final chapter in our fertility journey. Only time will tell how it all turns out. I have a feeling...it will end very, very happy, no matter what, because we have each other. Cancer has taught me one thing. Be happy for the little things. In the end, they are the biggest and most important things.