Wednesday, May 28, 2014

10 weeks and lemonade

I am addicted to lemonade as of late. Lemonade with tons of ice. Yum.

Oh, and I switched OB's. I haven't even seen my original OB yet, but their idea of monitoring left a LOT to be desired. With a twin pregnancy, advanced maternal age (go old ladies), and a past cervical surgery, they were okay with waiting until something went wrong. I tried to change the nurses mind. She said they don't monitor twin pregnancies any differently than singleton ones. Uh. Not sure that's normal. No ultrasound until 22 weeks. Seriously?

When I called the new OB who had been recommended to me, it was the complete opposite and it set my mind at ease. I was really happy to hear that at my first appointment, there would be an ultrasound, the appointment would be 2-3 hours long, and my cervix would be monitored/scanned every two weeks until we make it past a safe point, somewhere in the 25 week range. Then, I'll have a weekly non-stress test after 28 weeks. Now, that's care that I can buy into. It took too much time and money to get these babies and I need all the help I can get to bring them into the world safely. Plus, the new OB's office delivers at the hospital where I wanted to deliver. The NICU is better, as is the quality of care. My first appointment with them is June 17th, two weeks after our last appointment with our RE.

Here I am, at 10 weeks with our babies:

I seriously cracked up when I looked at myself in the mirror this morning. The bloat is gone. Below my belly button is hard and just keeps growing. It's hysterical! I am short, 5'2", but my abdomen is pretty short for a short person. Make sense? The babies have no where to go but out. By the end, we'll have to take two pics to fit my belly in!

Edited to Add: Clearly, I'm feeling tall here. I posted a couple days ago that I was 5'1", I'm feeling an inch taller. In reality, I'm 5'1 3/4". Sometimes I round up, sometimes I don't!

Monday, May 26, 2014

Memorial Day

Today is a rough day for our family, at least for the hubs. With serving in Iraq, he understands the real reason we honor this day. He can be a bit of a downer and today was no different. He always marches in the parade with the Legion and then we go to the local Memorial Day thingy at the cemetery where they read off the names of veterans who have died during the past year, not just in battle.

Tomorrow happens to be the anniversary of the day that my husband's Humvee was attacked while he was in Iraq. He was injured and came very close to being hit. A bullet went through his window, but hit his seat. A four inch piece of metal saved his life. Tomorrow will be rough for him. Obviously, this event changed him forever. While I love the person he is today, I wonder what he'd be like if he hadn't gone overseas.

Would he be so happy to be awake in the morning? Would he still take life for granted? Would he have never slowed down to enjoy the little things? The answer to all of these is probably, no. Because of this, I don't grieve for the old man he was. I am so blessed and lucky that he came home to enjoy all of these newest blessings.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Heartbeats and swishing and who knows what else

One of my good friends let us borrow her heart Doppler. I told myself that I'd wait until I was closer to 11ish weeks before I decided to try it. But, as soon as she walked out the door, I had that thing crammed against my belly.

First, ew. My body makes some really odd noises. Second, yay! We found both heartbeats and it only took about 20 minutes or so. Baby B's heartbeat was in the 150's and Baby A's was in the 160's. Baby B is already above my pubic bone, which makes sense because so is my uterus. Baby A is just right above it, but barely. So amazing! We only got to hear baby A's for a minute before he/she was outta there. Of course that made me laugh, which sounds awful on the Doppler.

This thing might be addicting. If they weren't such squirmy butts, I'd try again right now, but they weren't feeling it anymore today. It was such a great relief to hear them just beating away in there. Now, to know that I can be nosey and listen in on them whenever I feel like it? What a great feeling.

Let's all sit and think for a minute at how close I am to the second trimester...

Holy fastness. How did that happen? I'll be 10 weeks on Wednesday! Double digits. Let's also take a minute and pray that we don't jinx how wonderful this pregnancy has gone. Nausea is tolerable, boobs are amazing, no bleeding. I couldn't have asked for a more blessed start to a pregnancy, let alone a twin pregnancy. I have to remind myself that I am taking prednisone, which masks some symptoms, like nausea, so I'm thanking my lucky stars for that.

As of yesterday morning, I've gained 5 pounds. Those 5 pounds were a lot of work. Usually, if I look at food, I gain weight. But, my metabolism must be in over drive because it was hard work to gain even a pound. Only 19 more pounds to go before I'm 24 weeks. Hopefully, food starts to sound more appetizing and it will be a little easier to eat whatever doesn't make my stomach turn, which is different everyday. So, there's no telling what might be appetizing from one day to the next.

Ayden is already talking to the babies. It's so sweet. He says "hi" to them every morning and good night every evening. Of course, they're cute right now when they're not screaming their heads off. We'll see how he acts once they've been here for a bit!

Saturday, May 24, 2014

9w3d and anxious over everything

Now that we've gotten this far, I'm an anxious mess. I feel like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I enjoy seeing my belly grow, but I'm too scared to get excited because I'm so scared that something will go wrong. The hubs doesn't understand and I don't expect him to. It's a really weird place to be.

Our RE told us to schedule our first OB appointment for two weeks after our last appointment with him. So I went ahead and did that. It's not until 13 weeks. I'm afraid that by waiting that long, I'm missing our chance for an NT scan. I hope not. I think I'll call and talk to a nurse this week and ask her about it.

I'm also beyond scared about my cervix holding up because of that cone biopsy I had done. I think that's what scares me the most. I hope my OB is up for extra scans because that's what I'll need to get through this with some of my sanity in tact.

On a positive note, I've pretty much officially grown out of my regular clothes. I had to go and get more maternity clothes. I had NO idea I'd be in them this early! It's pretty funny to see my belly grow and grow. It's hard and there's no sucking it in, so it's not bloat! I can feel my uterus about 2ish inches below my belly button. So cool!

As for symptoms, I'm so, so, so tired all.the.time. Luckily, I only have 5 days left to teach before Summer break and that's what keeps me going at this point! I just want to sleep all day. I'm hoping that the 2nd tri brings some energy for a few weeks. I'm also still nauseous, but it's still off and on, thank goodness because when it's here, wow!

Sorry this is kind of a downer post, but I guess this is the reality of pregnancy after infertility. From what I read, it seems pretty normal. It's too bad that infertility can ruin such a wonderful thing.

Monday, May 19, 2014

8w5d and Ayden sobbed.

What an amazing day. So amazing, in fact, that it gave me a headache. But, it was worth it. The day ended like this:

All of my favorite people, although some are only represented in a photo, in one image. My family. Telling him was one of my favorite moments in my entire life.

To tell him, I said that I wanted a picture with him since he looked so cute in his outfit today. Like a good kid, he just went with it and sat next to me on the couch. Then, Chad pretended he was going to take a picture, but recorded the entire thing. Chad told Ayden, "Smile. Say: I'm going to be a big brother!" The look on his face was priceless. Then, my precious boy melted in my arms in tears. When he found out there were two? More tears.

This pic is the aftermath. One very happy big brother. Ayden spent the next hour calling his grandparents, who were kind enough to pretend that they didn't already know. They all cried again. What a wonderful day!

Baby A and B are both measuring at 8w 5d exactly and both had heartbeats at 180. Our RE commented again that he thinks they're both girls because they don't hide from the camera at all! They were so stinking chubby compared to two weeks ago! Baby A is a mover. S/he was moving all over, arms flailing, legs kicking. Baby B was pretty chill. S/he moved, but just seemed to be pretty laid back today.

 Here are our two adorable blobs looking chubby and as sweet as ever! Obviously, my worrying about the sac size wasn't necessary. They are the exact same. Perfectionists like their big brother. I have no idea where any of them got that. Not from the hubs or me.

Ayden said that he was wondering why I was getting plump. Nice. Out of the mouths of babes!

Saturday, May 17, 2014

8w3d, new clothes. I'm a fraud?

Today is our loss milestone. I've only cried once. It's only 9:30am, so give it time. There might be more.

Last night I finally broke down after work and bought maternity pants. I was down to only a couple of pairs and that was pushing it. As I was trying on clothes, I felt like a fraud. Like I was lying. Even though, when I looked in the mirror, I was indeed NOT a fraud. It was surreal that I actually needed maternity clothes for myself.

Of course, I had to be on the lookout for people that I knew since no one knows. I'd imagine that in a singleton pregnancy, this wouldn't have been an issue as regular clothes could probably be worn with a band still. We are still early and I don't want anyone else finding out. I live in a small town where everyone has big mouths! I haven't even told my good friend. She'll be extremely excited, but she has a problem keeping things quiet that she is excited about.

After our u/s on Monday, we'll tell Ayden and then she can know. At this rate of growth, it's getting hard to hide. I've already had to deny it twice to people at work. Yikes!

First off, who just asks someone if they are pregnant? What if I just ate a lot? Then, you'd make me feel horrible about myself. Thanks a lot. Second, if I am, you'll know when it's your turn. Don't ask. I forgot that all etiquette and manners go out the window when dealing with pregnant women and babies. I do kinda dread that part.

When I was pregnant with Ayden, my stomach was attacked by a little old lady's hand on an elevator. I couldn't even get away. It was horrible. I'm not a touchy-feely person, so I am really uncomfortable with people just touching me. I think if it happens this time, I'll just touch them back. If they comment on my size? I'll comment on theirs. Sounds fair.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

8 weeks on the nose!

Heck yeah! We made it to week 8 with no major issues. So weird. I pray that it continues just like this! I woke up this morning and: BAM! My gut blew up. Rubber band trick worked, but barely. I actually looked pregnant in my shirt. I had to do the scarf and cardigan trick again. We're not quite ready to let the cat out of the bag. I need to just wear yoga pants and hoodies to work. That's okay, right?!

For a reference for later in my pregnancy:

8 weeks with twins
I know that it's only gonna get worse. I'm 5'1" for pete's sake. This isn't gonna be pretty! I wish we would have taken one last week so I can remember what it was like to have a waist. This is out of control!
I said goodbye to my tattoo on my lower stomach. (Yay college decisions!) I figure that the next time I see it, it will no longer resemble a cute little daisy. I shudder to imagine how it will look on the other side of this pregnancy. With Ayden, I got one stretch mark. It was right through my tattoo. Go figure. See that pretty skin? Ayden was only 6lb 8oz. Not much stretching. I figure that I can say goodbye to that, too! Is it really possible to avoid 'twin skin'?! 


Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Last day of my 7th week!

Let's get this 8th week underway and over with. While I'm excited because our next ultrasound is during this week, I'm hoping I can make it past our loss milestone without too may freak outs.

Tonight didn't really help since I forgot to take my PIO and my progesterone suppository. So, of course, I was sure that I ruined everything and it was all over and...well, you get the point. Nothing happened. When we got home, we did the shot and crammed the progesterone. It was just about 4 hours late. Stupid traffic. But, all is well.

Tonight, we were watching Ayden's baseball game. He is such a little cutie in that uniform. He looks so grown up. While he was catching, the batter swung the bat and smashed Ayden's thumb. Ouch! Of course, like any crazy mom, I had a hard time just sitting there and letting the male coaches who clearly don't have the nurturing love that a mother has try and comfort him. But, I stayed still. Didn't want to embarrass him. Now that it's all over, I think he'll make it :) That really is the worst feeling. Not being able to fix your kid. Wanting to hurt the kid that hurt your own kid. Is that normal? They are only 10 after all. I blame the hormones.

Symptoms so far are relatively mild. I shouldn't say that out loud or I'll jinx it! My boobs are huge and sore, but other than some occasional nausea, I'm feeling pretty good. I am dizzy often and that has me worried. I'll mention it to my RE next Monday. I'm usually borderline anemic, so it might not hurt to get that checked out. But, otherwise, I'm just feeling healthy, which is great!

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Word of the day: Hungry

There isn't enough food to fill me up today. I'm certain of it. My stomach is actually growling every one to two hours. It's insane. I think the babies must be going through a growth spurt. I think I read that this week they grow from 1/2" to 1" and I guess it takes a lot of energy to grow a 1/2" each...

I've been trying to up my protein, as I'm supposed to eat over 100g a day. That's a ton. I'm actually recording it just to see how much I am actually eating in a day. I'm at 70ish and it's already 7pm. So, not sure how I'll get the rest in. But, I guess if I'm actually this hungry, it's possible. Insane, but possible.

Today, I let myself look at baby stuff online. It was nice to think that we might actually need lots of these things in a few short months. I need to figure out what we'll really need two of and what we can just get one of in the beginning. There are lots of opinions, so I'll just do what my gut says and not really worry about what everyone else did. It's just nice to get ideas.

We also might be nuts, but we're thinking of cloth diapering. It will save a ton of money, plus it's healthier. Cloth diapers are so different than when my mom used them on me, so that's a little reassuring. I'm definitely not sure where to start there! Good thing we have a few more months to figure it out!

Friday, May 9, 2014

7 weeks 2 days and moving right along

Now that I'm in my 7th week, it's sinking in that I'm actually pregnant. The ultrasound was fun and all, but after a couple of days, the excitement wore off and turned back into worry. I have a little over a week until our next ultrasound and hopefully I'll feel more relieved after that one.

By then, we'll be past our loss milestone. I'm not gonna lie. Just thinking of that date has me an anxious mess. It had me crying earlier. While I was driving home. On the freeway. People passing by probably thought I was a freak. Our loss was at 8 weeks 3 days and we'd already seen a heartbeat, so unfortunately seeing the heartbeats last week wasn't as comforting as it could have been. Granted, our last baby never had a heartbeat over 90, so this is going much better. But, I'm scared to get attached quite yet.

However, I am going to get a couple of pants tonight. I said I was going to wait until after our next ultrasound, but I have nothing left that fits. No pants. Finding work clothes this week was entertaining. Lots of rubber band trick days. By the end of the day, the rubber band was cutting into my skin, so that's not gonna work anymore. Already. This is seriously out of control. I'm pretty sure most of it is bloat, but it's not worth being miserable when I know what kind of comfort lies in maternity pants. Or at least something with elastic waistbands. Maybe I can just wear yoga pants for the rest of the school year.

I need bras too. Bad. The girls have taken on a life of their own. They are amazingly youthful, but falling out of the cups, which isn't so sexy. It's just gross. If I get a burst of energy while we're out, I might try to tackle bras, too. If not, I'll just start taping my boobs in my bra until I can get up the courage to measure these beasts.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Today's blog comes to you from the word: Nausea

Pretty much through the entire day today, I wanted to puke on someone. Unfortunately, this morning, I was giving my kids the state assessments, so puking wasn't an option. I feel hung over. Minus the fun the night before. But, I don't actually mind it one bit. Right now. Check back in a week.

For anyone searching for nausea in pregnancy, today I am 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant and I would call this day 1 of real nausea. It's been here and there on other days, but today was pretty consistent.

The shock of finding out we're having twins has turned into excitement. For me. The hubs is still a little freaked out. I think the financial part is what worries him. Not gonna lie. That part worries me, too. But, we saved and paid cash for IVF twice (plus one FET), so I know we can do it. We should probably get some sort of budget figured out. I'll wait until it sinks in  more for the hubs first before I try to broach that subject though!

Monday, May 5, 2014

What a day!

I don't really have any words to explain how amazed I am at what we saw today. We are shocked because we never thought we'd be blessed again. We are more shocked because we're being blessed twice over!

That right, introducing, Baby A and Baby B:

I cannot believe that both of our fighters decided to hang out for the long haul. The hubs is still in shock. Their little hearts were just flickering away like crazy! It was seriously the most miraculous thing I've ever seen. The baby on the top had a heart rate f 124 and the baby on the bottom had a heart rate of 127.

Our RE and all of the nurses were just as excited as we were and were all crying, too. It truly was an amazing day.

Our next ultrasound is in two weeks. We should be 8w5d then. That is past my loss date. I'm just praying that these next two weeks are as uneventful as the last couple and things just keep growing and developing like they should. God is good.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

And, pregnancy symptoms: GO!

 Hell's yeah! My stomach is a disaster area and I love it! If I eat too much (not sure what constitutes too much quite yet) I feel like shit. Indigestion: Check. If I don't eat soon enough, I feel like shit. Nausea: Check. The burping is out of control. It's non-stop. Luckily I just ate some most of Ayden's Easter bunny, so that's not too bad coming back up. TMI? Sorry.

My boobs hurt so bad. There really are no words to describe it. But, I'll just say it's no fun to be cold. Found that out the hard way today. Yesterday morning, they didn't hurt. I was sure it was a bad sign. Then my poor girls started feeling like they were on fire from the inside (What's that all about?) last night. Today, they've taken on a whole new level of soreness.

Tomorrow is our first ultrasound. Because of our lack of bad feelings this time around, our conversations aren't about whether or not we'll see a heartbeat. Instead, they're about how many we'll see. My opinion: One. Chad's opinion: Also, one. We certainly wouldn't be upset if there were two! Quite the opposite. We just know that one of the embryos was a higher quality and the other had an awfully thick outer shell. (Go endo ruining my eggs.) So, our logical minds say one. By this time tomorrow, we'll know for sure!!

Saturday, May 3, 2014

6 weeks 3 days. Nausea, while sucking, is welcomed?

I woke up this morning and my boobs didn't hurt. Of course, like any sane person, I instantly knew it was over. I told the hubs it was over and he told me I was nuts. He said, "Just wait. In a couple of hours, you won't feel good."

Then, my boobs felt like they were on fire. Actual fire. A couple of hours later, it hit. Nausea. It was gross, but very welcomed. Thinking of food made it worse. I've never been happier to feel like shit in my entire life.

A few crackers and chicken fingers later, I felt better. Now I just have indigestion like crazy. And boob fire.

Less than 48 hours and we'll know. Heartbeat? One? Two? That all makes me nervous, nausea or not.

Friday, May 2, 2014

6 weeks 2 days

So far, still good. No bleeding, which is amazing to me since that's never happened in a pregnancy before. Even with Ayden. My progesterone is still really high, so that's helping I'm sure.

I feel good most of the time, but some nausea is coming in waves and I happen to not mind it. Sleeping is no good, but I don't mind that either.

I think after Monday, I might believe this all a little more. I actually have a good feeling about things this time, but I just need the reassurance from the ultrasound.

After the ultrasound on Monday, I have to get some new bras to contain these boobs. This is insane. First, ouch. I need sports bras to wear at night. Second, they are falling out of the cups because of my free boob job. Thank you baby! Every so often, I grab them, not to see if they hurt, but to feel the youth that's been brought back to the ladies. Not bad.

I also need to get some kind of stretch mark something or other. I don't really know if it works, but I used it with Ayden and barely got any. Granted, that was a decade ago and my skin was younger and not old lady like. I'm so bloated that I'm afraid that I'll get stretch marks from my bloat. It's that bad. By the end of the day, it's out of control.

We're trying to decide when to tell Ayden. I wouldn't mind telling him after a couple of good ultrasounds, but I wonder if waiting until the end of the first trimester is a better idea. The end of the first tri is the day before his birthday, so that would be a fun surprise if I can keep my trap shut that long!

We wanted to come up with a fun way to tell him, but he's almost 11. The cute stuff won't impress him. We saw somewhere that you can get ready to take a picture and rather than saying "Say Cheese" you say "I'm going to be a big brother" and catch their reaction. It might be cute to see his reaction. However, if we do this, I'd almost rather record it to get his entire reaction. Hopefully, it's better than his reaction when we surprised him with a trip to Disney. He was very unimpressed.