I know I've said it many times, but I absolutely don't understand how I made it this far. I really don't. On the way to work, I realized that it probably has a lot to do with all of the babies that we've lost. I really didn't trust my body to get me this far. Look at her now! If our baby was born now, she'd have a 95% viability rate. Not shabby odds! Granted, I'd much rather wait another couple of months to meet her.
Our pack n play came in the mail yesterday and we put it together tonight. It was so weird. We plan on keeping it set up downstairs to use the bassinet and changing table features early on during the day. Once we got it together, we couldn't stop laughing. There will be an actual baby in this thing. Like a tiny baby who we get to raise. So weird.
I am 100% sure that neither of us will actually believe this for a second until we see her little gooey face when she is born. How can anyone comprehend that there is a living baby growing in you, especially an infertile? It just doesn't make sense. Kinda like planes. That much metal shouldn't be able to fly either. I really think that whole flying thing is just a hoax anyway.
Ayden has decided that he wants the baby to be born on his 1/2 birthday, December 12th. I'll be a couple of days over 38 weeks. I'm not sure that he understands that you don't typically get to pick the day. But, we'll just let him dream.
I would like to have her before Christmas for lots of reasons. Mainly, and selfishly, I have waited 11 years to have more than one child sitting in front of the tree on Christmas morning. This year, Ayden still believes in Santa. He's a little old for it, but I've held on to it hoping that I could let him enjoy the idea of Santa with a sibling some day. Granted, the baby will have no clue what's going on, but I will. See, selfish. I told the hubs that if Ayden asks about Santa this year, not to let me know if he tells him. I have issues. I get it.
We are contemplating my hysterectomy. It makes me really sad to know that I'll never have another baby, but I cannot do the pregnancy thing again. The stress from this pregnancy was more than either of us could do again. This leaves our one embryo, Dudly, out in the world of the unknown. See, if we get our hopes up and do a transfer, I just can't take one more "nope you're broken, BFN." However, if we don't transfer, we'll feel like horrible people. Plus, the fear that we'd miscarry if it did take is more than I can even think about. It's a lot to talk about, but the idea of no endo pain sounds amazing.