Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Today. The last day I am allowing myself to worry.

Today is finally here and almost over. Today, I am 23 weeks and 6 days. One day away from the first level of viability. Tomorrow, they will try to save her if she is born early. Tomorrow, I can finally allow myself to believe that this might just have a happy ending.

My baby girl has fought to survive inside of my crazy uterus. She will have my strength and for that I'm so thankful. We can start to dream about what she will look like, what it will feel like to hold her in our arms.

To celebrate, the outfit that I bought to bring her home came in the mail today. It is absolutely amazing that I will actually be putting that outfit on my baby girl. Miracles really do happen people.

This all being said, today I am thankful to my body. It has nourished my babies. It might have fought me along the way, but in the end, she got her act together.

I have been having a hard time realizing that we should be getting ready to bring two babies home. My doctor said it would come in waves. This wave is pretty big right now. When I see twins or someone mentions them out of nowhere, it makes my heart ache. I am so grateful for our blessing, but I wonder what it would have been like to watch them grow up together. No matter how sad I am about it, just like my other miscarriage, nothing will change it. I'm trying to just focus on our baby girl and know that someday, we'll meet our other babies.

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