Today, I'm still pregnant and I'm very okay with that. It's not that I'm not ready to meet our baby girl. I just am not sure that I'm ready to put the pregnancy part behind me. It has sucked horribly, but knowing that I'll never get to do this again? A little sad.
But, on a happier note, I'm huge! The baby has been estimated to be around 7ish pounds, but I'm sure she's closer to 20lbs. There's no way that I gained all that weight in my butt.
I've been feeling pretty crampy for the last week, on and off. Hopefully, that means something is happening in there. I was only dilated a fingertip at my last appointment. I think that was her way to make me feel better. I'm not sure that a fingertip even means much. But, I really was okay with it. Like I said, I'm just going with the flow at this point. I am on maternity leave, as of yesterday. The baby has dropped and I have to pee a couple of times an hour. That just isn't possible at my work. So, I decided that I'm done. While it's nice to be done, I need to continue to fill my time so I don't drive myself crazy.
As for going with the flow, she wants to induce at 39+1, which is next week. It has to do with my anxiety. I feel a little guilty for needing to be induced, but it really is the healthiest option at this point. Of course, she is welcome to pick her own due date this week!
Besides the anxiety, I'm in a good place. Bag is packed, baby stuff has been washed and is just waiting, and her room is done. I am so excited to meet this long awaited and prayed for baby. The hubs, on the other hand, is freaking out. I catch him looking at me every-so-often. I think it's a mix of him being in awe of me being pregnant, my sheer size (as I'm usually pretty small), and the fact that an actual baby will be here soon. He's a bigger mess than I am! And, for the record, he has gained more weight than I have. Poor guy!
Ayden is as excited as they come. He cannot wait for her to get here. The other night, I had an upset stomach from something I ate. When I mentioned it, he got all excited, thinking it was baby time. Poor kid. He keeps a very close eye on me, as do the dogs. There isn't a minute when one of the three of them isn't following me around the house.
Now that I'm close to being done, I will admit that being pregnant after infertility hasn't been the easiest mentally. However, I can truly say that I would take this entire experience, all 11 years, and do it all over again to be sitting here just waiting to meet our precious baby girl. We are so extremely blessed. Fat, but blessed!