Lilypie - Pregnancy

Friday, January 13, 2012

IF and the feelings of loss

The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"
                                     ~Laura Bush

I came across this quote today and found it very true. It's hard to explain that with every negative cycle and each miscarriage there is a feeling of loss that accompanies it. Those that have never been infertile will never understand. I guess that's a good thing. The pain of infertility isn't one you want to spread all around. An infertile couple has a lot of time wrapped up in imagining their unconceived child. What will his personality be like? Who will she look like? Month after month, every negative pregnancy test seems like saying goodbye to that unborn child again and again.

The hope in our case is that my stubbornness and will to succeed is far greater than the infertility we have come across in our journey. Yes, it's been an 8 year battle, but I have a lot more fight left. Watch out IF...I'm here to kick your ass.

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