Monday, July 9, 2012

Don't get whiplash...

But, we're changing gears around here. Adoption is the name of the game. The hubs and I are going all in. For a newborn. It only makes sense. We've been waiting for two years with cps and have gotten nowhere. We've spent thousands on fertility treatments, surgeries, and traveling to doctors offices all over our state and our arms are still empty. This past week we updated our homestudy which is required every two years and went camping. Camping is definately NOT our thing. We only lasted one night and couldn't wait to leave the next day. It was horrible. For all of us. It was hotter than hot and we all were miserable. But, being out in the middle of nowhere with no cell service gives a person time to think. So, I did. And, maybe it allowed me to realize what I want but was afraid to admit because it means the road we were traveling down was a wrong turn. I want a baby. In our situation, there's only one way to go about it. Newborn adoption. Scary. But, in my heart, it felt right. So, I broached the subject with the hubs. He's not against adoption, but was just prepared for an older child. So, I had to lay it out there. Tell him that this is what I've wanted all along. I just needed the quiet of a scary tent where animals were eating our food in the middle of the night to hear the calling. After I told him about my recent realization, I believe he said something about being patient...wrongo buddy! I believe my response was something like, "patient?! You think I need to be patient? I'm 33. Ayden is 9. We've been at this for 8 years. We've spent thousands of dollars on patience. I am OUT of patience. OUT! I cannot take the emotions that go along with this patience of Job you expect me to find anymore. Patience has left the building. Let me introduce you to "Mom on a mission". She threw patience out the door buddy!" I think I scared him. Perfect. It was right where I needed him. Putty in my hands. See, last night, I prayed that God would help me find the words to use to explain how important this is to me to my hubs. I seem to fall short sometimes, not wanting to scare the crap out of him. Well, for the first time in 8 years, my prayers were answered. The hubs told me to gather all of the information I could and we'd make a plan...In my hubs's language this means, "Go for it!" So, that's what I've been doing the last few days. I've gathered more information than google could gather in one search attempt. Plan in place? I think so! It will involve some creative fundraising and saving techniques, but knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel, we can do it!

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