This post is a necessary one, but later I might read it and think, "What the heck was I thinking when I wrote that?" You see, I've had a drink. I'm a pretty light weight drinker and I've had 3, 800mg of ibuprofen and 6 tylenol over the course of the day to work on these killer cramps. They've done nothing but kill my liver. I'm still walking half bent over, so I thought, why not have one little drink...well, it was a pretty strong one. So, I take no responsibility for whatever I say next. Typically, I don't drink during a cycle where we're ttc. But, as Dr. Phil would say, "How's that working for ya?" Since my answer is, "Not so freaking well," I figured, why not?! Sadly, my one and only drink for this ttc cycle tasted like cough syrup, but the computer screen is quite blury, so it did it's job and my cramps are practically non-existant. Yay!
Okay, so the real reason for this post isn't to talk about how I could never be an alcoholic because I'm a light weight, but to declare today cd 1 of my very last EVER ttc cycle with an RE. We just flat out can't afford IVF. Which I'm actually fine with. Maybe that's the alcohol talking...but I think I really am.
With the start of cd 1 comes the call to the RE's nurse hotline. Unfortunately, my cd 3 is on Saturday. So, I needed to get in for my u/s tomorrow. Well, since tomorrow is the last day of my school year and I couldn't come in, they needed to see me today. (I blame them and the crotch wand for the wretched cramps.) So, after working most of the day, I drove the hour and a half to my RE's office for my cd1/3 u/s.
When I arrived, the nurse took me back and weighed me. Really? It's cd 1. I'm bloated and look 49 months pregnant. So, I stood backwards and told her not to tell me what it said. She obliged and took me to my room where she informed me that my RE had a resident with him and asked if I minded if she came in the room. Really? Like it matters at this point. Every who in whoville has seen my lady parts by this point in my ttc life, so why not.
Remember, I'm on cd 1. So, I was already NOT in the mood for this u/s...then, in walks my RE, the resident, and my nurse. So, I shouted, "Anyone else out there want to join us?" My RE laughed and said something about the room being a clown room. At least we found a doc with a sense of humor.
I have a good count on each ovary and they're both calm and ready to go. The resident did my u/s and the RE had to point on the screen to tell her which direction to go with the crotch wand. Kinda scary. Whatever.
We recaped my last ttc cycle. My progesterone was pretty low last month. I had a pretty short 26 day cycle. The RE said that last month was a great cycle, numbers wise, and he really thought it would work. But, he was thinking it was the Femara. So, we dropped it like an old habit for this month.
Here's the new game plan that has to work because I said so: Follistim, cd 3 until whenever RE says to trigger. We will hopefully have more than one follie for the swimmers to aim for, unlike in the months on Femara. This plan adds an extra appointment or two, but I told him it was our last one, so we were willing to go all in. I'll go next Wednesday for an E2 blood draw and then on Friday for an u/s and another E2. Then, we'll see what happens next based on Friday's appointment.
I have been telling myself that I'm doing this for my son so he isn't alone when my hubs and I are gone, but I realized that I want this, too. I want a baby. If I can be picky, a girl would be fun. Expensive, but fun. But, of course, I'll take whatever I'm given and love him/her to pieces...Then, I'm having my uterus ripped out so I don't have to kill my liver with pain meds and alcohol.
So, raise your glasses to this month. Here we go. It's all or nothing. Balls deep. Watch out here I come. I'm kicking infertility to the curb and telling her who's boss.