A Big Family in the Making

Today I'm really fucking angry. I hate that everyone else gets to start Summer on vacation or with happy outlooks, while here I sit, knowing that I have to carry my dead baby for who knows how long. Not knowing if the other baby will even decide that I'm worthy of being it's mother.

I'm so tired of this shit. The not knowing is the worst. My boobs don't hurt anymore. No heartbeats on the fetal Doppler. I hate that fucking thing. I hate to be negative, but being positive hasn't gotten me anywhere. I hope this baby is stronger than I am because I just don't have it in me to hope anymore. Things just don't make sense.

There you have it. Thoughts inside of losing a baby and not knowing if you'll lose another one.