Sunday, June 1, 2014

I thought I was fat and anxiety

In this picture, I thought I was big. However, here I was, 12 weeks pregnant with Ayden and still wearing my size 6 jeans. So.not.big.

To compare this pic to my 10 week picture I posted this past week, clearly there is a lot going on in my belly these days. This should easy my anxiety, but it isn't. I think the upcoming ultrasound has me a mess again. I'm scared that we lost one or both. I have no cramping and no bleeding, but it could happen. I wish I could just stop worrying and enjoy this, but it is really difficult with my first tri symptoms starting to fade.

Nausea is pretty much gone. As much as I hated it, it was short lived and it was reassuring. My boobs are still huge, but they don't hurt anymore. Also freaks me out. I know they won't hurt forever, but it was a sign that things were going on. Now, I just have to have faith and trust in my body to do its job. No so easy when it's failed me for many years. One day of school left and then my last ultrasound with my RE. Praying like mad that everything is okay.

And, for the record, I still own those jeans. They never fit the same even though I still wear the same size, as the birthing hips never went away. Sad story. I won't give up on my decade+ old jeans. These are my 'someday' jeans. I should probably really get over that after this pregnancy.

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