Fertility Report!

OMG, so exciting! My first (and last) Fert Report! Out of 22 eggs retrieved yesterday, 16 fertilized naturally!!! We have 16 teensy, tiny babies growing in petri dishes!! I am sooooo excited. I am fully aware that the arrest rate is pretty high over the next couple of days, but because we might be facing a freeze all, I really wanted a bigger number to work with.

I'll also be doing a uterine protocol that my RE created for women with endo. Most women with endo cramp for just the simplest of reasons. I always cramped after my IUI's. So, to prevent this, Starting the day before ET, I'll take a Xanax in the AM and PM and an ibuprofen in the afternoon. This will continue for 5 days. It is used to calm the uterus and prevent the micro-contractions of my uterus. However, we're not sure when I'll start this because we're not sure of exactly when ET will be. The nurse was waiting on the doc to ask him what he thought now that we had our fert report back. Because I've already gained a pound over night and I have pressure under my diaphragm with some shooting pains in my abdomen when I breathe, I am still high risk for OHSS. I will actually be just fine if we need to wait to transfer. I do not want to get sick after transfer. It just sounds horrible.

Anyway, I am on cloud nine with our fert report and I'm feeling much more hopeful that we can actually make babies!!

ER is over!!

It wasn't nearly as bad as what I thought it would be. I mean, I was knocked out for goodness sakes! I had 22 eggs retrieved! All along, they were counting 16-17 follicles, but some must have been hiding in there! Fert report will be tomorrow morning and the nurse said we have a great number to work with for sure and, even though it's still based on the embryo quality, there's a great chance that we'll be able to do a 5dt!

I was an anxious mess before they started, but before I knew it, I was knocked out and then, I was awake. It was, by far, the easiest part of the entire process. I was pretty crampy, but I have endo for goodness sakes, so this is nothing compared to my worst endo days! I can do this! I told the nurse that I read some horror stories online last night and she said it should be a policy that she can turn off everyone's WIFI the week leading up to ER! I think that's a great policy! They said the cramping should lessen by this evening and the bloat should start to kick in tomorrow, so that will be lovely. She said that because I'm so small, it will look pretty massive. Oh joy! Everyone was so kind and so hopeful this morning in the office that I think I found my own hope again!

I'll update with our fertilization report tomorrow!! Now, I'm off to nap! However, right this very minute, there are little embryos being made! That's a crazy thought!!

Tomorrow is ER!

I'm very nervous for ER. I'm good with being knocked out, good with the procedure, but the unknown of how I'll feel after is really taking a toll on my mood. I am terrified of how horrible I'll feel, if I do even feel horrible at all. The nurse phone call yesterday has me freaked out. Her tone said a lot and I didn't like what it was saying. I'm really not that upset over having to freeze everything, if that's even what we need to do. I think I'm scared that this isn't going to work and this is the first sign of things going badly.

I'm really finding myself guarding my feelings and hiding any hope I did have in a deep dark hole. It's not that I don't want it to work, but if it doesn't, that's it. We will hopefully have frosties left, but maybe not. I'm not good at dealing with the unknown. I used to be. IF has taught me that the unknown just sucks. Then, I feel guilty for thinking it won't work already because I'm supposed to be positive and I just can't. I won't tell the hubs because he really thinks it will work and one of us needs to. I have put this all in God's hands because if it was in mine, I'd be running the other way and skipping out on the entire thing. I'm ready for this IF ordeal to be over, but I'm terrified that the outcome won't be what I so desperately want. IF is such a mind f***!

Seriously?

So, trigger is tonight! So exciting. However, my RE has put me at high risk for OHSS because my E2 came back at 5,513 today. They thought it would be a little over 4,000. Oops. I'm an over achiever. What can I say?

I am a little scared for how shitty I'll feel if OHSS does happen. And, I was told to not be surprised if we have to do a freeze all or just transfer one if I am feeling well enough to go ahead with the ET. Seriously? Of course, if I don't feel well or am in the hospital, I'd much rather wait to transfer. I'm not trying to make things worse for myself. Like the nurse said, we've waited 9 years, another month will be a piece of cake. I'm not really so sure about that though!

So, even with all of that, I am excited for ER on Wednesday! It's finally here and we are closer to the end, even if things get moved a little. But, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed.

Happy Father's Day and IVF updates

Today, we celebrate dads. I'm one lucky girl to have such an amazing father. He has taught me so much about who I am and what I am capable of. I am so lucky. He is a great man and I was lucky enough to meet my hubs, who a little too often, reminds me of my own dad. Scary stuff there people.

I really did pick a great man to be the father of our children, if I do say so myself! So, today, Ayden and I made him breakfast and gave him his gift. It was some tool thing with lots of tools included and it fits in his wallet. He thought it was great, so score for me! While I am excited to celebrate him today, all I can think about are these lead balloons in my abdomen. Sweet heavens, they're heavy! And, sore. Wednesday can't get here soon enough.

At our appointment yesterday, we saw the other RE in the practice. He isn't as gentle as our RE with the dildo wand and I let him know it. He chilled out after a bit. However, the u/s basically confirmed what I thought all along, that one of my ovaries (the left) has reattached to my abdomen wall. Darn it. One, it hurts as it's growing eggies. Two, that means another surgery is in my future. However, I plan on making that surgery the BIG one where all of these organs are removed forever. I won't miss them for a second. But, that will have to be a few years away since we hopefully have a couple more babies to grow in there!

My lead follicles were at 17mm and there were lots at 10 that will be mature by ER on Wednesday. Holy crap, that's this week! OMG! How'd that get here so quickly?! After getting my E2 level back at 2385, the ever-so-aggressive RE said that we'd be triggering on Monday with an ER scheduled for Wednesday. Yippie!

I have tried wanted to try and eat extremely healthy and follow my endo diet during this cycle. That did NOT happen! One, I'm sore and standing up and cooking for long periods of time isn't going to happen. Two, I've done that in a gazillion cycles before this one and look where it got me. So, I've rather enjoyed myself eating whatever my little heart desires. At this point, I need to realize that, for me, it has absolutely no bearing on whether or not this cycle is successful because it certainly hasn't in the past. But, I do feel a little guilty. Oh well.

Alright, I have my LAST monitoring appointment tomorrow and I'll update then!! Thank heavens because I'm tired of driving 1 1/2 hours one way to be poked and prodded!

Monitoring Appointment #3

Things are moving right along. There were 16 follicles above 10mm today with a couple at 14. E2 was at 1350 and my lining is 11.something or other. Our RE said that everything is right where it should be. Also, for the record, he is the kindest man. The first thing he did was ask how my endo pain was since we're pumping my body full of estrogen. There isn't much he can do for the pain right now, but to at least acknowledge that it's there made me realize what a great doc he really is. Of course, he is the one who spent an hour peeling my ovary off of my stomach wall, so he saw the big mess in there.

He really wants me to get to 10 days on stims, which will be Monday, but he won't be sure until my monitoring appointment tomorrow. I'll see the other doctor in the practice tomorrow and I hate that since I'd rather have my own RE making all of the decisions, but clearly they're both great at their jobs, so I'll just have to suck it up.

Pain wise, I'm doing okay. I definitely know my ovaries are in there, but as long as I stay hydrated, I'm good. They feel really, really heavy and it kinda feels like someone is stabbing my in my ovary every time I take a step, but besides that, I'm great. I'll just stay put on the couch...it's easier and the hubs makes fun of my wobbling around...I'm gonna pump him full of estrogen and make fun on him when he turns into a chicken. So there.

We let ourselves talk about baby names on the way home. It was a little exciting. I mean, up until now, we've been pretty guarded of our feelings and haven't let ourselves dream too much. But, today, we did. I, of course, have already decided on names, so as far as I'm concerned, it's a done deal. The hubs isn't so sure. He'll come around!

I can do it...

I can do anything for a couple of weeks, right? That's what I keep telling myself. I am quite surprised at how sore my ovaries are. They feel like they weight about 100 pounds each and are really sore. I'm actually hobbling around when I walk...which I assume is normal since the nurse asked if I was walking like that yet. So, at least I can rest assured that I'm not the only one walking like I broke my hip. Or my ovary.

There is a good reason why they are sore, however! At my appointment today, my RE measured 17 follicles, most measuring between 10-12mm. My estrogen came back at 550, which the nurse said is right where it should be, but I think she was lying since she lowered my dose again. This has OHSS written all over it. Oh, I hope not. That would just be horrible. But, if I knew that it would work, I'd honestly do it all over again in a heartbeat!