I'm very nervous for ER. I'm good with being knocked out, good with the procedure, but the unknown of how I'll feel after is really taking a toll on my mood. I am terrified of how horrible I'll feel, if I do even feel horrible at all. The nurse phone call yesterday has me freaked out. Her tone said a lot and I didn't like what it was saying. I'm really not that upset over having to freeze everything, if that's even what we need to do. I think I'm scared that this isn't going to work and this is the first sign of things going badly.
I'm really finding myself guarding my feelings and hiding any hope I did have in a deep dark hole. It's not that I don't want it to work, but if it doesn't, that's it. We will hopefully have frosties left, but maybe not. I'm not good at dealing with the unknown. I used to be. IF has taught me that the unknown just sucks. Then, I feel guilty for thinking it won't work already because I'm supposed to be positive and I just can't. I won't tell the hubs because he really thinks it will work and one of us needs to. I have put this all in God's hands because if it was in mine, I'd be running the other way and skipping out on the entire thing. I'm ready for this IF ordeal to be over, but I'm terrified that the outcome won't be what I so desperately want. IF is such a mind f***!
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