4dp5dt part 2 (included bad words. Sorry)

After my nap this morning, I woke up with NO symptoms. None. Zippo. Zilch. Then, due to lots of events today, I had a minor breakdown and just knew this whole thing was a waste of my time. Here I was, ready to disappoint everyone, again, for the zillionth time in 9 fucking years. I ended up crying a REALLY ugly cry to my hubs because so many people are counting on me for this to work. Most importantly, I so badly want to give him this gift. There are no words for how much I want for him to witness the birth of his child and not have the Red Cross tell him. Maybe I should be easier on myself.

We stayed busy after my breakdown by going to see The Heat (FREAKING HYSTERICAL!) and going to dinner. Then, we went to the grocery store. I remember, with my pregnancy with Ayden and my last pregnancy, I could NOT STAND going to the store from a very early on. All of the food made me want to puke. As I walked through the store, I started getting very hot. When I looked in peoples' carts, I wanted to puke on them. So, I headed to the paper isle. After spending most of my time getting toilet paper, paper towels, paper plates, plastic forks, the hubs showed up and was really concerned with what we'd be eating this week...and, bam. It hit me. So, I did what any insane IF lady does and headed straight for the hpt's. I practically cleared the shelf. I had to hide them under the tp so the hubs didn't protest.

As we were leaving, I had to pee...but, my insane self, who is ONLY 4dp5dt decided, very illogically, to hold it and just use the first hpt when we got home, knowing fully that it would definitely be negative because it is just WAY too early and this pee had only been on hold in my bladder for about an hour, if that. But, at least I'd know that the trigger was out of my system.

So, what in the hell do I do with this:

 

Can you see it? In person, it's not even a squinter with late day pee...shit.



Yes, I should be excited. And, I reallllllllly want to be. But, it might still be the trigger. Damn. I should have tested it out. I could kick myself for not doing it this time.

I'll test in the morning, because now I have to. I've now, officially entered the point of no return. Oh God, please, please, please let this be real. And if this is real, thank you, thank you, thank you for forcing me to stick with this dream for so many years and not quitting! Damn it, now I'm crying!