baseline u/s cd 4

I saw the other doc in my RE's practice today. He was just as kind as my regular RE. I can't say enough amazing things about this office! Anyway, with a little hesitation, the RE decided to up my dosage of Follistim for this cycle. I only produced 1 egg last month and he'd like to see 2-4. So, I'm at 75iu, which is actually the recommended low dosage. Not sure why I was below the recommended minimum, but whatever. I'm not anymore.

Also, I already have a couple of bigger follies waiting to go, one on each ovary, (at 8 and 9), as well as 30 smaller ones...yep. I said 30. I didn't mention that to the hubs. He might flip out. Basically, if more than 4 decide to mature, we'll have to cancel this cycle. The RE doesn't think this will happen, he was just amazed at my overly active ovaries. But, you never can tell what will happen. This month, I'm gonna have to let go and let God be in charge. Even with a perfect looking cycle last month, nothing happened. So, with this one already acting weird, it's time for me to let go of the reins, take my meds as instructed, and pray that my time is getting close.

Speaking of how kind every single person is in my RE's office...I literally just got off the phone with the nurse, who had my blood results...I'm not pregnant (no kidding) so I can start Femara. I think she called me "sweetie" five times during the 30 second phone conversation. She might be my favorite nurse there. But, there isn't one I don't adore in the entire practice. Love this place!

I decided that I'm not telling a single person that we're still trying...last month both of our parents knew. When they found out it didn't work, they had that look/sound of pity and that weird thing where they don't know what to say and you know they want to cry because they are so sad that their kids have to keep going through this. As much as I appreciate their concern and love, I cannot handle the feeling that someone is sad for me or having pity for me or whatever it is they are feeling. I'd just rather tell them when we're knocked up and forgo the updates on appointments that I'd rather not talk about. Sorry family, you're gonna have to be out of the loop on this one. I need it mentally. I am always worried about how other people are feeling and wanting to fix it when everyone isn't feeling wonderful. I need to spend that energy on myself this month. I know you'll all forgive me later. So, if you've been given access to this blog or just happen upon it...you are the only people I'm talking to about all this stuff. Maybe it's because I don't have to see your faces or hear your voices if it doesn't work...this is my therapy I guess.

With all that, happy cd 4 to me! I'm off to down some Femara...