Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Did you just call me fat?

It was more like, "bloated"...but, same thing really. I guess it was my fault. I've been noticing that I'm not I wasn't as bloated this cycle as I had been in past cycles...last week, I maybe would have even put on a two piece bathing suit. If I owned one. And I wasn't self conscious. And I didn't have stretch marks from Ayden. You get the point. But, last night when the hubs did my trigger shot and last Follistim shot, I was flat out bloated. If I would have jumped in a lake, I would have floated...gut up. I asked the hubs if I was a bloated and he said, "Just a little." He was being kind. Then, this morning, I felt a little less bloated. Not bikini wearing un-bloated, but better than last night. Until I asked the hubs. While looking in the mirror, I asked him if I still looked bloated. He took a quick 1-second glance and said, "Yep."


Wrong answer.

When I asked him if he even looked, he said he though I wanted to be bloated and that it was a good sign. Oh yeah. Because this is a great look for me...I love to look pregnant when I'm not. Does wonders for the ego. While I appreciate his attempt at trying to calm my nerves, that my gut is bloated and it's a good sign that my follies are performing as requested, I'm not really into being called "fat" at 6:30am. So, no carbs for me today.

On a positive note, I'm still carrying some eggies in a couple of follies...yippie! I'm doing it! Once 10:30am came and went today, I breathed a sigh of relief. An egg lives for about 24ish hours. Every hour we get on this side of the clock is a bonus. And, now, I'm up to 3 extra hours of egg life! Come on follies, don't fail me now. Hang tight girls.

While I haven't been moving around much over the last couple of days, as in, I haven't moved from the couch unless it was to feed myself or my family, go to the potty, or go to bed, I did decide to shower last night. I think I was getting stinky. The hubs telling me I smelled "funny" was a dead give away. While I was in the shower, I was thinking about the last decade of my life. One thing I wanted to do in my 20's was to run a marathon. I put that to the side when we started ttc'ing. But, I love to watch marathons on TV, read about them, etc. I've done a few shorter races, but none even close to a marathon. The one thing that always strikes me as crazy is this "wall" that runners hit during a marathon. Usually around mile 22ish, they seem to not be able to carry on one more step. That was me the last couple of days. Seriously, I was freaking out. Straight up panic attack, heart racing, true freaking out. But, then I realized that this infertility journey has been a marathon (maybe even an ultramarathon!) of my own. I hit my wall in the last few days, but now, I'm over it and ready for the last leg of the race. I have roughly two weeks to go until it's all over. This entire ttc journey will be over. I have prayed like a mad woman, trying to conduct myself with grace, that this will end as it's supposed to. I just hope that how it's supposed to end and how I want it to end are the same.

I'll post tomorrow night after my iui. Please, if you're reading this, and you don't mind, send a little (or big) prayer for this iui to be successful tomorrow. 10:30am, here I come!

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