Thursday, June 7, 2012

This is how my journey ends

I think I am a good person. I feel like I am. But, if that's so, why do I keep getting crapped on.

I ovulated yesterday. I didn't have an u/s to prove it, but after years of that pain, I know what it means.

IUI today. We missed it. Our last cycle. Thousands of dollars wasted. I can't even tell the hubs. He still has hope, so I'll let one of us have it. We'll just go down there, with two dead eggs floating around in there and do the iui. Why not waste another $300. At least I'll get breakfast out of it.

I am so sad that he will never see one of our babies born. It makes me want to throw up. I was a pin cushion all week for nothing. I'm supposed to stay positive so that it will work. Fat chance. How about if I just forget about the last 8 1/2 years of heart break and crawl under a rock. My dad has us on a prayer chain for 10:30 today. Hundreds of people will be praying for us. My only prayer is that God shows us what a true miracle is and somehow, by his amazing grace, I can still get pregnant. God is bigger than this and that's the only hope I have left.  

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