It's day two of my period and I'm already starting to freak out about timing: if this will even work, why I'm even trying again, how many times we're willing to do this...and lots more.
Of course, it started after my SIL, the one I've mentioned who is pregnant, sent me a text yesterday to tell me all about her cravings so far. She is only around 6 weeks along. Seriously, I can't listen to her cravings, complaints, or whatever else she feels she needs to tell me for the next eight months. I just can't. I just ignored her text. Mature. I know. But, it sent me into a crying and freaking out fit. It's just not fair fit.
The hubs. What a great guy. As I was freaking out, ugly crying, snot everywhere, he just kept repeating that we don't have any control over any of this. He probably couldn't figure out what else to do with me. I was a hot mess. But, in retrospect, he was right.
At first, I'm not gonna lie, I wanted to punch him in the face for saying that. I control my entire life. Every single part. Then, after I stopped sobbing like a freak, I had a Dr. Phil moment. "How's that working for ya, control freak?"
Truth be told, it isn't. At all. So, instead of saying that I quit, because I don't quit, but I do surrender. What happens, happens. If this time doesn't work, it's not the end of the road. There is the next time and the next time and the next time. You get the point. There will also be lots of alcohol in there if it doesn't work, but I only embarrassed my family a little the last time.
After realizing that the timing of my period pushes everything back a week, my plan for using my Spring Break as part of the ET recovery is all mucked up. But, it will be okay. I need to stop trying to control everything and just let it happen. I mean, with the weather, I've only taught eight days since Christmas Break. What's a few more days off?! Right before testing. State tests. That have a 50% impact on my evaluation this year. Yeah. But, seriously, it will be okay. Right?
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