If you're not up for being depressed, don't read this. I'm feeling quite defeated today. As in, I took an hpt this morning, it was negative, it sucked, and it ruined my day. Yes, I'm only 11dpo today. But, I was hoping for something rather than a completely blank test. No amount of tilting and holding the test under a light would have made a line appear.
On top of that, I just don't feel pregnant. I don't know. Maybe there's not a feeling that someone gets when she's pregnant. I just assume that there is. With my son, I just knew. With my last pregnancy, I just knew. This month, I'm not feeling it. I mean, the progesterone has me feeling a zillion symptoms, but I'm just not feeling pregnant. Ya know?
So, as I'm on the brink of tears this morning, the hubs walks in and wants a hug. I turned into mega biotch and said, "Just go to work." Yeah, I already had my makeup on and that one hug would have sent me into crying fit. Thank gooddness he's use to my fertility drug induced moodiness and this morning's comment didn't phase him. He asked what was wrong and I said simply that it just didn't work. When he asked how I knew, I said, "I just do." Plus, I have tested every flipping day...but I left that part out.
This afternoon, I called him to apologize for being a freak this morning. He said that it was fine and not to check the bank account for 36 hours. Not sure what that means, but I think he's nicer than I was this morning!
So, I kept my appointment for Monday morning for the beta. I have to have it done in order to start the femara next cycle, so I can't cancel it anyway. I think I'll just start thinking positive for next month and call this month a wash. Infertility sucks.
hugs dear! much <3 being sent your way!
ReplyDelete(oh - and fyi - still waiting on that 'feeling' ...)