Secondary IF

Secondary IF is in a world all to itself. Sometimes, I don't feel like I fit in either the 'mom' groups or the 'infertile' groups. I mean, I'm both and it's hard for either of these two groups to completely accept someone with secondary IF.

I posted something of FB a couple of months ago to the affect of:

I hate reading about people complaining about their pregnancies. When people struggle to get pregnant, they'd trade places with you in a heartbeat.

I said it with much more gusto. I'm fairly certain it was in January and lots of synthetic hormones were flowing through my system. FB should be banned for women taking hormones. I think it's best for everyone.

None-the-less, I had a FB 'friend' (using the term loosely) ask me if I'd had trouble getting pregnant with my son. Not in those words. Different words and more judgemental words. I'm not sure why, but I sensed an undertone. The hormones? Probably. But, I was still offended. First, it's not really her business. We're not the kind of friends who share that information. Second, just because I didn't have trouble with my first doesn't make the pain of infertility any less.

That's hard for some people to grasp. Shouldn't I just be happy with what I've been given? Honestly, there aren't enough words in the English language to explain how happy I am that I have a son. But, now I have to think of his future. I never saw myself raising an only child. I always wanted a huge family. Neither my family or my husband's family are big. He has no first cousins. I'm not really sure if that will ever happen truthfully. So, I don't want my son to not have any family when my husband and I are gone. The thought of that breaks my heart.

On the other hand, moms tend to judge mothers with only one child. It's true. It happens. I've been told that it must be so easy to just have one, that it must be so nice to be able to pick up and go whenever we want, and how wonderful it must be to have only one mouth to feed...really? Why must we turn everything into a competition? (This coming from me. The most competitive person I know.)

So, there it is. I am indeed a mother and an infertile. It happens. A lot. I wish our society would get to the point of supporting others rather than judging them for their circumstances.