If IVF #1 would have worked, I'd be as big as a whale by now and ready to deliver any day now. So, that's a special kind of suck that I never thought would creep up. I'm not really sure where the thought came from, but there it was, smack in my face, as soon as I woke up this morning. That's been fun all day.
I just keep telling myself that the embryo (or all three that we've transferred now) aren't supposed to be our take home babies. But, in reality, I'd have taken them because I'm sure they were beautiful and sweet little ones.
I guess I have to trust that God knows what he's doing here because I certainly can't explain it. Especially after we watched a mom drag her kid across the basketball court yesterday. The hubs and I looked at each other and I know we were thinking the same thing. We get that life isn't fair, but COME THE HECK ON!
Then, there was the mom who let her baby just sit in his baby carrier for the entire game...I will never ever get this. Even when Ayden was little, I never ever was seen not holding him. People said I'd spoil him and he'd never be able to be away from me. Well, let me assure you that this isn't the case. I so wanted to take that baby out of the carrier and cuddle the snot out of him. I'm fairly sure the mom would have called the cops, so I refrained from grabbing him up. But, if it were my baby...
I think the problem (or maybe not) with infertility, especially a DECADES long fight, is that it allows you to see how many horrible parents there really are in the world. It makes you really think about how you will parent differently and it makes you want it that much more. Sometimes, it seems like you're so close to achieving the dream, but other times, it seems light years away.
With March finally here, I'm hoping and praying that we are just about at the end point of this struggle. I can't fathom what we'll do next we aren't.
No comments:
Post a Comment