Lupron is a go. I am a disaster. Need distractions.

I woke up this morning at 5:00, excited to get this next cycle going. Then, we got in the car. It was pretty much downhill from there.

Road rage was horrible. Every f'n idiot was on the road and they were determined to make us late which I had decided in my mind, would make the RE's office pissed and they'd cancel my cycle. Poor hubs. He couldn't do anything right. Well, he might have been doing things right, but I was yelling at him left and right for nothing and everything. I was a disaster.

Eventually, the hubs and I decided that talking wasn't a good idea. So, I just drove. When we were about 30 minutes away, I started sobbing. Like a huge baby. I was sure that our cycle was going to fail and it was going to be a disaster and nothing would go right and even if it did work, it wouldn't stick and life would be ruined.

True story.

When we got to our RE's office and I took off my sunglasses, because even though today sucked ass, it was a beautiful sunny day, cold, but sunny, the hubs asked if I'd been crying. Seriously? Uh, yeah. Sobbing. Like a baby.

The appointment started off well because the nurse was my favorite one and she didn't weigh me. This was a good thing because I weighed myself this morning and I'm pretty sure bcp got the best of me. Outstanding. I usually gain 5-10 pounds from stim meds, so that will be really cute. Can't wait.

After getting my follicle count, 21, go me, our doc must have realized that my mind was in a shitty place. So, he spend the next 15ish minutes talking me down from the ledge. He said exactly what I needed to hear, even if it was all lies and he just wanted my money. Then, I brought up taking prednisone for implantation failure because, let's face it, after 10 years there's a lot of failure going on in there and it can't hurt to add it, too. He was all for it. Thank goodness because I'm pretty sure if he would have said he didn't want to use it I would have flipped out again because I'm a freak today. He said they used to use it all the time for women like me, but OB's started bitching about it, so they stopped. He gave me the pros and cons. I ignored the cons and took the script.

I felt a crap ton better after he left the room. Then, we paid our bill. Sweet heavens to all holy things. A normal person would have crapped in her pants. However, as we know IF makes us abnormal and we love spending $10k on a chance. Go gambling.

To make us me feel better, the hubs drove to IKEA. It was amazing. Had he not just lost his job, we'd have gone freaking crazy. Instead, we bought a rug, two bottles to make honey mead (don't ask), and a spaghetti noodle holder thingy because who doesn't need that.

And, because we weren't done playing like we weren't poor, we went to lunch. Probably shouldn't make a habit of that after each appointment, but today, we needed it.

Now, we both have a headache. I think my moods gave us both a hangover.

Today was rough. Emotionally, it was one of the hardest days we've had in awhile. I think the realization that this is it, no more fresh cycles after this one, do or die, became a reality and I don't really face reality well. No matter, Lupron starts tonight. If I freak out anymore, you can find me shopping because, let's face it, that shit helps.