Saturday, March 8, 2014

Secondary Infertility. My feelings. Rude people can suck it.

Here we go again. I just read that someone with primary infertility feels as though she is better deserving of a child/her infertility is more painful/it deserves more attention, same rhetoric I've heard for the last decade. Well, you're an idiot. How about I've been trying longer. So, mine is better than yours. Does that make sense? No. Don't be so stupid.

This post may be triggered by Lupron. It may also be triggered by other people's pure stupidity. Not sure.

I can never ever even try to pretend like I know what someone suffering with "primary" infertility feels like. I have no clue. I wouldn't even try because it's rude to assume that I know. I'm sure it is horrible. I was on birth control when I got pregnant with my son. Yep. I'm that girl. I sometimes hate myself thinking it would always be that easy. I was also 23 when I got pregnant. I'm now 35. All those years? Well, shit got really f'd up in there. But, my infertility isn't as bad as primary infertility, right? Wanna see pictures? Do you think I need to prove how infertile I am so you can accept me? Well, I don't flipping care what you think. Maybe when your time sheet reaches 5 years, I'll want to hear your belly aching. Please. I've done that shit, times 2. A DECADE. If this were a game, I'd win. I really love to win, in case you were wondering. I want to throat punch people. Hard. In their throats.

How can someone with "primary" infertility even assume they know what it's like for someone with "secondary" infertility? No clue.

I hear the "primary" ladies now: "At least you can talk to your kid." Yep, you're right. I can. I am tired of feeling guilty for that. I have a son. He is amazing. Because he is amazing, I want another. Because I love my husband, I want to have lots of babies with him. Lots. I want a huge family. There is nothing wrong with that and I'm tired of pretending that I can't continue after that dream because you think I should just be happy with what I have. It's disgusting. You judging other people for the "type" of infertility the struggle with is disgusting. Get off your high horse and be supportive. You hear that? Be supportive of someone who you think has it all, but really doesn't because inside of her, her heart breaks every single day because her body is failing. Just like yours.

Mine worked once. Actually, twice. I miscarried in 2006. Does that make me more acceptable to you because I've also miscarried? No. Just checking.

So, to end, I've been trying for a decade. Take what you've done for a few years and multiply that daily emotional pain times two and add a few more years. Yes, I have secondary infertility. However, I am infertile. So are you. How can either of us be happy about that?


  1. I've been on both sides of the infertility fence. 10 years the first time only to miscarry. Welcomed our son 3 years later and then miscarried again when was 23 months old. I can say both suck, and your right unless you've walked in those same shoes you really don't have a clue how the other feels. I have the perspective of both and can say that we're in the damned if we do and damned if we don't in how we treat those around us...

  2. I'm so sorry you've been through so much. But, it's very true that it's hard to understand unless you've been there. I would never wish any of this on any one.