Monday, April 21, 2014

14dp5dt (4w5d): Beta Day, Take Two

First, let me start this entry by explaining that I'm typing on a couple of hours of sleep. Three to be exact. How will I make it through the entire day? No clue. I woke up at 2am to pee and haven't been back to sleep since. It's now 5:45am and I'm not sure I see the point in sleeping until tonight at this point.

Second, today is beta #2. I'm nervous. Very nervous. I have no reason to believe that things aren't going amazingly in there, but I also have no reason to believe the opposite either. I should hear by noon, so only half of my day will be spent full of anxiety.

We told our parents at dinner last night. We figured that (Heaven forbid) if something happens, we'll need support this time. Honestly, I feel differently this time, but it's still scary.

My mom, as moms tend to do, has been holding herself responsible for our fertility issues. It took her five years to have me, so she's been here. It took her another two to have my brother. She gets it.

I have been working on a movie for the last year, recording our IVF story. I never knew it would have to continue to be added to again and again and again. Well, that's what we showed to our parents. Cue water works. My mom was a mess. Just as I assumed she'd be.

However, she had a dream the night before that I'd shown her a positive pregnancy test during Easter dinner. Can't keep anything from that lady. I swear.

My MIL and FIL were just as thrilled, as was my brother. I'll call my dad after my blood test today. He wasn't able to make it up, so he'll just have to wait for the news. My SIL, well, she wasn't as excited. I'm not sure if she thinks we're stealing her thunder (Remember, she is pregnant, too.), but she was very, blah about it. Whatever.

Everyone was strictly instructed to keep their traps shut. Ayden won't be finding out until we are close to the 2nd trimester. He still remembers the last time and he was only 3. We can't have that happening again.

So, today, the goal is to get over the next hurdle. Beta #2.  I find myself saying, "Today, I am pregnant" a lot. Multiple times a day. When I start thinking of the long road ahead, this actually helps. I'm sure I'll be a ball of anxiety this week, as I've never made it through week 5 of a pregnancy without bleeding. So, starting Wednesday, I should be hooked up to a valium drip. I'll mention that to my RE. I'm sure he'll go for it...Of course, the reason I bled was because I don't make my own progesterone. Clearly, with these butt shots and suppositories, this issue has been covered. But, it's still a mental block I need to get through this week.

Other than that: Today, I am pregnant!! I still can't believe it.

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