Friday, April 11, 2014


No symptoms today other than the pinging in my ovaries from them trying to settle down. I'd say I was having a positive day. Then, I got in my car to drive home and had a breakdown. An ugly cry, on the freeway, pleading with God kind of breakdown. I'm not sure if all that really helped anything. It didn't really make me feel better. At all.

When I got home, I was excited to see Ayden, but the hubs had taken him with him to help fix some guys garage or something stupid like that. So, here I sit all alone with my thoughts. It's not good. I seriously just want to cry, so I am, terrified that this won't work, knowing that we have nothing left to fall back on. It is the saddest place I've ever been. I'm pissed because I want my baby that I miscarried back and I want this IVF to work. And I want to know why. Why does everyone else get their dreams, but I get looked over?

I watch amazing things happen to people all around me. For ten years, all of my friends have been blessed multiple times with babies. Some of them didn't even want the babies they had. Selfish asses.

I truly think I will never get my turn again. I will be passed over and not given a second thought. I told you me being alone today was a bad thing. I need alcohol. Isn't that a pisser of a predicament I'm in right now. Can't even have any until next weekend.

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