The anxiety level today was amped up big time. In my heart, I know everything is okay. I did not feel this way with our last pregnancy. In fact, I felt from the start that something was wrong. However, I'm still terrified that something will happen and this will all be taken away from us.
I knew once I hit 5 weeks, it would be difficult. I didn't know how difficult though. I had no idea that my entire body would be wrapped in anxiety. It sucks.
Our loss a few years ago was at 8w3d, so I assume it won't get better until I see that things are progressing well past this time with this pregnancy. I don't really have many symptoms right now, so I don't have anything to really tell me at this point that everything is fine. I'm not asking for morning sickness, don't get me wrong! A little nausea would be okay every now and then though. It's still early for that, I suppose.
I feel very distant from my own body and what is happening right now. I suppose it is so I can protect my feelings. I am jealous of my younger self when I was pregnant with Ayden. I had no idea that things could go wrong in pregnancy. I had no idea that people try for years and can't get pregnant. Back then, I just assumed that it would always be easy for us. Clearly, I'm not a psychic.
On a good note, one more day down, and for today, I'm pregnant.
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