Insomnia, Cottage Cheese, and God

For the last week, I've been waking up around 2am. Then, I'm up until 4 or 5. So, that's been interesting. This morning, I woke up around 1am. Decided that peeing was important enough to get up for. Then, I laid in bed for the next hour. Craving cottage cheese.

Finally, I decided that there would be no other time in my life where getting up and eating cottage cheese at 2am would be remotely acceptable, so I gave in to the idea. It was so good. Now, when I fall asleep again is anyone's guess.

Today is Easter. Last week through today was the week of miracles. To have our pregnancy happen this week? How miraculous.

Let's run down this cycle to see how jacked up it was so you can see the miracle yourself:
1. I bled all through bcp. Never fully downreg'd. That sucked. Big time.
2. Had a cyst and was delayed a week.
3. My doc was on vacation so the other doc was my doc. I don't like him. Ok. This one might be stretching it, but he isn't exactly gentle and he did weird things with my meds this time.
4. My ER was dreadful and we now have a $1900 bill from the PICU because of it. Yay.
5. Only 2 embryos remained on day 5 with nothing to freeze. Good ol' Dudley.
6. My uterus has failed for 10 years. (10 1/2 in June)

So, how did this cycle work? I have no clue. I literally had faith the size of a mustard seed. That was all I could manage. I truly thought it wouldn't work. The hubs and I had already discussed our next steps because I needed to know where we'd be going next. I was ready to switch clinics.

Mustard seed faith. But, that's all you need. There were so many times in the last decade where I could have given up and just stopped. We had quit a few times. Something kept telling me to just keep trying. That something would eventually click. There are no words for how I feel today, sitting here knowing that this would have never been if I'd have really quit. Not listened to my heart.

Knowing that what God puts in your heart, he will eventually bring to fruition, that's what kept me going. I had no clue when my 'eventually' would be. As crazy as this sounds, last week, I wrote a letter to God. It basically declared this the time for my blessing. I carried it in my wallet and read it whenever I needed to be reminded that this was in God's hands, not mine. It was His promise, not mine. Is this what made the change in this crappy cycle? In this Easter week of miracles? I really think so. I waited a long time for this blessing, but I didn't quit. God really did come through on his promise. It wasn't in my timing. Not even close! It was in His.