Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Cancer follow-up

I never had cancer. Yep. You read that right. I was shocked, too. How, oh how is this possible, you ask? I asked the same I'll start from the beginning.

A couple of days ago, when the oncologist's office called to remind me of my upcoming appointment, they gave a doctor's name that I hadn't heard of before. It wasn't with our original doctor, but it's a big practice, so I just figured I was seeing whoever was available.

When the new doctor walked in the exam room, she introduced herself and said she was taking all of the other doctor's patients...odd thing number one. Then, she said that I really don't need this follow up because I the biopsy only showed CIN 1...WTF?! I asked her a zillion times, "I only had CIN 1??" She probably got tired of answering that question. Quite frankly, I didn't even need the cone biopsy. Often, CIN 1 heals itself and many women never even know they had it. I don't need a pap until December and can just go to my regular gyno. WTF?!

My first thought: OH MY GOODNESS! I NEVER EVEN HAD CANCER! I was elated!! I was so giddy that I couldn't even think of questions to ask her, even though I had a zillion running through my head.

First, why did the original oncologist, during my pre-op, say that he was VERY concerned with what he saw and was sure it was very serious and needed a cone biopsy? Second, why, when we went for the biopsy results, were we not told it was only CIN 1? Honestly, at the appointment when we heard the results of the biopsy, I was so relieved that he said my margins were clear and they got everything, that I didn't even think to ask the grade that was found, especially since we were already told it was Stage 0 based on the punch biopsy.

Right now, I'm going back and forth from HUGE relief to pissed. I'm so very relieved that I don't have to worry about this horrible disease anymore. I'm pissed because of the worry and stress that it caused. My friends and family were a mess, also. So, I'm not exactly sure where to go from here. I am considering at least calling the office back to ask my questions because I at least deserve answers to those. The hubs is pisssed and honestly, that's putting it mildly. He wants to sue them. I just want to let it be water under the bridge. I want to get my answers from the office and move on. Clearly, the old doctor is no longer working there, so that problem was taken care of. Taking him to court is only going to bring me more stress and cost tons of money. Plus, I'm so very relieved that I can now move on with my life without this huge stress always weighing me down. Life has a way of working itself out and I really believe in karma...he'll get what's coming to him. I, on the other hand, almost feel blessed. Because of that darn fake diagnosis, I learned to appreciate every single minute in my life, both the good and the bad. I learned that I have many more people that care about me than I ever could have imagined. This newest issue proves to me that no one is perfect. Do I think the doctor did this on purpose? No. I really don't. If he did, shame on him. Perhaps, he wasn't as qualified as we were led to believe.

So, today, I got the best gift ever. I learned that I am not a cancer survivor and I couldn't be happier! God has a mysterious way of teaching lessons...He never ceases to amaze me!

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