I am not a quitter. Watch out IF. Now you've pissed me off.

 This morning, looking at that stark white test I was beyond upset. I'm not gonna lie, hearing from the doctor on Friday will suck, too. I'll test again in the morning, just because that's the day I should have my beta if it weren't for the holiday. But, I'm not expecting much. So, when I came across this:

 

 

 

It was the first thing that made me laugh today. Well, maybe the second. The first was when I took Ayden to his 10 year old check up a day late...I even wrote it down and put it in my phone. Obviously, I wrote it down wrong both times. Nice. I wanted to cry right there when the receptionist told me, but I just looked at her like, WTF. Luckily, they can get him in tomorrow morning. It's supposed to be an appointment about puberty. Oh, how I can hardly wait. Ayden is excited to talk about balls and armpit hair. I wish I was kidding. So, when I saw this sign, I laughed. I realized that anything worth it in life takes work. Sometimes it works the first time. For us, it just didn't. I have two choices. I can quit. Which is tempting. Very tempting. It's also the easy way out. My Dad always called me Mandy the Great as a child. It was because, even though I'm small, I am great and I finish what I start. God blessed us with 5 more embryos. We are at least lucky to have them. Some people have no embryos and are now at the end of their IVF road.

 

So, for these people, who have no more choices, I don't have the right to sulk for one more second. For these two babies:

 

 

 

I am not quitting. I cannot quit. Maybe in the end, none of the 5 will be take home babies. Maybe they will. But, I cannot live with myself unless I pick my ass up and find out.

 

 

 

The one thing that IF has taught me is that I'm not a quitter. Until my body says, "No more," I'm not done. I might be crazy. But, I'm not a quitter. So, which ever little frozen baby is our take home baby, we're coming for you. We will bring you home. That, my sweet child, is a promise.