Wow, how depressing.

To all my readers,

I just went back and reread all of my posts from my IVF cycle so I could get a fresh, fertility drug free, view on how the cycle went. Wow. There really wasn't one post where I wasn't negative at some point. I'm usually not like that at all. I do use this blog to vent about things that I can't vent to others about, but I also hope that my soon-to-be child will read this some day. I don't want him/her to think it was a drag to get him/her here. Nor do I want all of you to think I'm  such a whiny biotch. Really, I'm not. I'm actually quite the opposite. And, I like to say, I'm rather funny. My kids at school happen to agree.

So, I promise that my posts from here on out will be at least 50% positive and humorous. Then, you won't leave my online world sad and deflated, yourselves. So, I'll start with describing my liquid lunch yesterday. Perhaps, many of you will find this post offensive...well, then I say, you need to find more fun in your life. Or, go through IVF and realize that you need to get the burr out of your ass and enjoy the little things!

So, seriously thinking I'd just have one beer with my salad, the hubs, Ayden, and I headed to lunch yesterday. It was already 3pm by the time I'd cried my eyes out and I also hadn't eaten one single thing.

Note to self: Never wait until 3pm, not eat, and drink one drink with child in tow.

Let me explain that I am NOT a big drinker. College, different story. Now, I'd rather not drink my calories. I'm vain like that. But, yesterday, the plan was to only drink my calories. So, I ordered my salad and then, I saw a watermelon sangria on the drink menu...well, I think I shall, I said to my unstable self.


Note to self: Never listen to your unstable self again. Let someone else be your voice of reason. Also, stick to beer. It's what you know.

Let me tell you, it was horrible. It was zero parts watermelon/peach, as the drink explanation said, and all parts some strong, and by strong I mean you could get drunk by just sniffing it, which was just what I figured I needed. I grinned and pretended I enjoyed the first 1/4 of my drink...I.did.not.enjoy.it. But, then all of a sudden, the music playing over the loud speaker became very entertaining and, because we had an AWESOME server who kept singing along to the music, I started singing along. Loudly. Luckily, we were the only people in the restaurant. So, I just let loose. "Ya, gotta keep your head up. Woah, oh" Yep. The song was speaking to us. Oh, my company was enjoying my performance. So, I kept drinking. 1/2 gone. Couldn't even taste it anymore. Kept singing. Here's where things get blurry. The hubs said the drink was now gone. The server took my salad. I wasn't anywhere near done eating it, but since I hadn't touched it in quite some time, it was logical to assume I was done. Not much food in the belly. All alcohol in a body that hasn't had one single drop in months...

(I say all of this to lead up to a very important point. I actually am a good mother. I do NOT swear in front of my kid. Ever. That's horrible and I actually judge people who do this. I promise. My kid is well rounded. He's an athlete and seriously smart. Much smarter then I ever was. He also has a great sense of humor. Thank goodness. Because what I did next will probably be thrown in my face for many years to come. Some day I'll explain. I'll say, "But, honey, I was just trying to help our family grow. I had just finished our first IVF and it failed. We spent enough money on that one cycle that would have sent all 3 of us to Disney 3x's...but I did it for us. Since it failed, I had a drink. ONE DRINK. Okay, honey? Really, I'm not a bad mom!" I seriously do not remember the following events. They could even be made up. My boys would do this to me. Let's pray that's what's happening now. Although, the thought of it makes me laugh hysterically. And, remember, I know funny. Just ask my kiddos!)

As told by my boys: So, I'm singing. The singing is getting louder. There are now other patrons eating. Ayden is mortified and "shushhhing" me. I laugh it off. Burp really loud, look at the hubs and say, "Ya know, these songs are sooooooo right! Sometimes, life shits on your face. Keep that head up!" Oh.my.heavens. It sounds like something I'd have said in my college days. Okay, I'd even say it if Ayden wasn't around.

Ayden found it hilarious. Great. I hope he writes about that in his journal at school next year. It will be titled, "The day my mom became a swearing, drunk, Walmart mom." Just an FYI: I hate Walmart. Then, our server came over and was telling me that I could get the watermelon sangria in pitchers for only $10 on Wednesday nights...oh.so.not.necessary.

For some reason, the hubs thought it was a good idea to drag me to the grocery store after this. AND, I was in charge of the cart. Really, whose bright idea was that? I ran into lots of things. Told off a lady who cut me off with very crazy arm and hand gestures (no middle fingers. Just flailing appendages).

Anyone out there need any blueberries? I bought more than I can consume in two months. Potatoes? Ziploc baggies? Well, if you need any, you know where to come.

I headed to the car. The hubs and Ayden checked out. Didn't they think it was odd that they were buying so many random things? Can't they think to put them back? No. They let me loose. With my ONE drink and NO food. Bad idea.

But, really. I am a good mom. Dear totsicles, don't be afraid. I'm not perfect, but we'll have fun! I promise!! See, I'm not a Debbie downer...at least once I've had ONE drink. I swear it was only one. It cost $7 and there is NO WAY the hubs would have spent more on alcohol! He knew me in my college days. He knows when it's cut-off time. Well, maybe he doesn't. It seems like it should have been about a 1/2 a drink before I was cut off!