Sinking in

The results from yesterday's doctor appointment are still sinking in. One minute, I'm pissed that I had to compromise my cervix by having some of it cut off during the cone biopsy, which wasn't even necessary. In the next minute, I'm just relieved that the entire nightmare is over.

My dad is ready to go find the doctor and sue him or hurt him...I'm sure he won't do either, but he is ticked. I think, of everyone, he's more upset than the rest of us. I am a Daddy's little girl and someone, "chopped away at me for no reason," in his words. He is livid. I couldn't even talk any sense into him. He was trying to talk me into getting an attorney last night. Uh, no. I think there's enough going on right now. But, I just had to "agree" that I'd look into it, which I won't. My mom was relieved and feels similar to how I feel. Life is full of mistakes and lessons. I just happen to be in the middle of a really, really odd mistake and lesson.

I was researching last night and found that CIN 1 (dysplasia of the cervix) clears itself in 90% of cases. The correct treatment is yearly paps to keep an eye on it, which I already do. For the other 10%, the dysplasia turns into CIN2 or CIN 3 (stage 0 cancer and where my gyno and oncologist said I was) or invasive cancer if not treated. For sanity sake, I will just pretend that I would have been in the 10% category and now I don't have to worry about it anymore. I tried to explain this to my dad, but he wasn't having any of it! Sweet heavens! I am lucky to have someone like him looking out for me for sure!

On the adoption front, Monday is getting closer. I hate, hate, hate wishing my Summer away, and I feel that's all I've done this year between IVF and adoption. However, I am very excited to hear what our case worker has to say after the meeting on Monday. She promised she'd call as soon as it was over. I keep looking at his little picture that she emailed us and, darn it, he's adorable and I'm just head over heals. It could be a scary place if I let it because this isn't 100%. However, I have to have hope and faith that God will bring this little guy into our family and bless us. It is scary. Our entire lives will change. But, it's an exciting kind of change and we're so very ready!