Wednesday, July 10, 2013

When will this be over?!

I've had actual AF cramps since Saturday. AF didn't actually start until yesterday (Tuesday) and then the real cramps started. Holy heavens. I ended up calling my RE yesterday and they said to try the Xanax I had left from my IVF cycle because it relaxes muscles. Well, it put me to sleep, but by 6am this morning, I'd had it. I put another call into my RE's office as soon as they opened this morning, but didn't hear back until 1pm. I seriously took more ibuprofen 800 and tyelnol than anyone should ever take in a month. If my liver survives, I'll be lucky. Although, it's certainly not the first time I've needed to do this!

I'm lucky enough that my RE is the one who did my last endo surgery, so he saw how messed up things were in there. Organs were stuck to each other, endo was everywhere and what was on my bowels, he couldn't get and is still there, which brings a pain I can't even begin to describe! I'll need to go to a specialist to have that removed. But, they were very happy to call in something stronger for me today. It was either that or I'd perform my own hysterectomy. After two Tylenol 3's and a heating pad, I'm starting to get some relief. I seriously wouldn't wish endo on my worst enemy. The worst part is that, for me, now that it's on other places than just my reproductive organs, having a hysterectomy won't "cure" it. For my bowels, I'll need to have a specialist remove the parts of my bowel that have the endo growths and stitch the ends back together. Sounds lovely, huh? I will definitely go to Atlanta for that surgery, but I can put that off for years. I hope. Knowing that the bcp, Aygestin, helped tremendously, I can just get back on that when this is all finished. I wouldn't wish endo on my worst enemy! It is truly debilitating. I was actually thinking today, that if today were a work day, I'd have needed to call off work. Last school year, I was on bcp continuously and this was never an issue. Our WTF appointment is in a couple of weeks, so depending on our plan, I'll need to definitely consider this so I feel okay during the school year.

Nothing else is really going on. I planned on cleaning out the upstairs extra bedroom, but I felt so horrible as the day went on yesterday, I decided I'd work on it today...well, I feel worse today. Our case worker is coming next week, so we have time. It's not horrible, it just needs picked up. I did have to explain to Ayden that just because we were getting the room ready, that it didn't mean we were getting matched or having a baby. We are keeping everything a secret from him because it's just too much for a 10 year old to understand, especially when all he wants is to be a big brother. We just told him that our case worker is coming next week and we need to get the room ready for her visit, which means putting a crib in the room...his response, "A crib?" Yeah, he's more interested in an older child adoption. It's like built in playmates. What he doesn't understand is that we tried that route for a VERY long time. We have to be very careful what we bring into our home. Many of the kids we've been presented with act out sexually on others, burn houses down, abuse animals, etc. As an adult, I understand why kids who have had such a terrible life would act out in such ways. However, with Ayden here, we can't bring those behaviors into our home.

What he also doesn't understand is that this is an adult decision, not a kid decision! He often thinks he's an adult because it's just the three of us and we just all hang out together. We do have to remind him, more often lately, that he's still a kid! So, he'll just need to trust that we, the adults of the family, will be making the best decision for our family. No matter what, he'll be the best big brother, ever!

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