I've been addicted to Joel Os.teen on You Tu.be lately. As I've mentioned in the past, I grew up Catholic and Ayden has been baptized into the Catholic church. However, I just don't connect with the church anymore. There are a lot of things that go on that I just can't agree with. The Catholic church's stance on infertility doesn't quite click with what I feel in my heart. Plus, how can a group of men decide what God wants for families to do when faced with infertility. Well, I don't feel it's up to them to decide. Besides, now that we've done IVF, I can't even go and receive communion until I confess my sin of IVF to a priest...Seeing as how I don't feel that a married, responsible, loving couple wanting children is a sin, that's never going to happen. I mean, when we were married, our deacon (my uncle) charged us to go and create many children. So, I'm just doing what I was told to do :)
Joel Os.teen has a mega church in Texas. His sermons are very positive and uplifting. I don't consider myself to be a 'religious' person per se, but I am full of Faith and I have a lot of trust in God and the miracles that he can perform in my life. So, last night, I was listening to one of his sermons about how to show God you're serious about your wants. The first thing that came to mind was that darn nursery room. We put off finishing that room for years, never really thinking we'd need it; not really believing that God could really give this horribly infertile couple what their hearts truly desire. However, after we decided to get that room done, a huge weight was lifted off my heart. I didn't realize it then, but now I see that rather than just telling God that I believe that he will bring us a child, I was showing him my faith through my actions.
Something I've always wanted to do for a child we'd adopt is create a book with pictures of us that show who we are and give a child a peek into their forever family. Last night, after watching that sermon, I thought to myself, "Just do it!" Okay, that's Nike. Whatever. But, ya know, I decided to just make it. And, then, this cheap skate woman even ordered a copy! The book is quite adorable if I do say so myself! I just keep envisioning this little guy's foster parents reading the book to him, helping him connect to us, creating a strong bond before we can bring him home. I put pictures of the three of us and the puppies. I made sure to put a serious picture and a silly picture of all of us to show our personality. Yes, this little guy is very young, but we read to Ayden way before this age and he caught on fast.
How's that for showing my faith. Plus, I'm so very hopeful. It's a weird, silent kind of hope. I feel in my heart that God knows what is good for our family. He knows what is good for this little guy. If this is His plan, He will work it all out. He'll give our worker the right words to say tomorrow and help the other workers feel in their heart that we are a good fit for him. If that's not God's plan, I can't change it. So, I'm okay with that, too. I can't say I won't be disappointed, but in the end, it will be okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
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