Rough Week

This week has been a special kind of sucky. First, a friend of Ayden's from school came over to play this week and told me their mom was expecting a baby boy. Nice. Stab in heart. There are circumstances in that family that make you go, "Well, another example of 'not fair'." Let's just say they aren't the most responsible people.

And then, a few days later, I took Ayden to the high school to get his football gear. We were both pretty confused, as we've never done this before. While waiting in one of the zillion lines we eventually waited in, and waiting on the hubs to get there, a very pregnant acquaintance got in line behind me. This girl is a friend of one of my good friends. I don't really know her that well. The only thing I do know is that she is pregnant with her 5th surprise pregnancy. So, I had to listen to her for a good 10 minutes about how lucky she is and how she wasn't happy at the start of the pregnancy, but then she thought of all the people, like me, she included, that couldn't have any more kids and decided to be happy. She wished that she could give all of her infertile friends a baby and blah, blah, blah. Seriously, this went on and on until finally my hubs and another friend rescued me from this hell.

This event has absolutely ruined the rest of my week. After our IVF, I didn't feel like a huge failure, although maybe I should have, because I knew we still had some frozen. But, boy did this conversation with insensitive preggo make me feel like a huge failure. I spent yesterday in a deep funk that finally ended in me crying my eyes out to my hubs before we went to bed. This morning started with me crying and snotting everywhere, again to the hubs, only for me to also realize, out of nowhere, I realized that today was the due date of the baby I miscarried. Great. I always wondered if we'd have had more babies by now if this date would still suck as badly. For me, it just quantifies what a failure I am. Not only can we not have anymore, the only pregnancy we did have (besides Ayden, of course) miscarried because of my stupid body.

I've been trying to be so positive with the adoption stuff going on and knowing that the FET could bring us our baby, but this week just sucked. I'm not sure how long it will take to get out of this funk, but I hope not too long. I'm running out of Kleenex.